Mundane Musings of An Appalachian Root Worker

Eulogy

2012-02-19T03:11:00.000-05:00

Before any of my six readers freak out, no..one..died. The eulogy is to the idea that a social network, that is pagan in nature, that has 40,000 members, supposedly, can self govern itself. Let me explain.

Pagan Space will be run by selected members, who donate up to 500 dollars(the person who donates this amount has the chance to be the CEO of Pagan Space). Different rankings were created for the amount of money one donates. For example, if a person donates 50 bucks that person has a chance to be an administrator on Pagan Space. I am not sure if the readers are catching the subtleties, when I use the word chance. My understanding is that if I decided to donated 500 or more dollars to Pagan Space, so I could be the CEO, that is not guaranteed. If one or more individuals donate 500 dollars or more that means that the owner of Pagan Space is going to have to make a decision on who becomes the CEO. Only one person can be the CEO, I am using this acronym loosely here. So, what do the other individuals get, who may have donated a huge amount to Pagan Space, in hopes of being the CEO? I am not sure, because the owner has not explained what happens if more than one person donates 500 dollars or more to Pagan Space.

In my opinion, if a person invests their money into Pagan Space, to create some type of pagan utopia, don't expect to see a return on your investment. I am not seeing too many well known members, who have donated in the past, stepping up to take on more responsibility within Pagan Space. Then again, I don't know what goes on behind the green curtain either.

Here is my prediction: Once Pagan Space is handed over to members, who have donated money in hopes of becoming someone important in an online community, Pagan Space is going to tank. Pagan Space will continue to loose quality members(40,000 members my ass. Out of that number I see only, at the most, 100 people online at one given time.). Pagan Space has slowly deteriorated since I became a non paying member back in 2008. The quality of discussions, groups, and blogs are nothing more, in my opinion, shit. Pagan Space has some members that are misogynistic, violent, passive aggressive, childish, mentally disturbed, and who are blatant liars. This is not a place where I, personally, who invest any of my hard earned money. Another occurrence that will happen, in my opinion, is who ever is in charge of Pagan Space(there is supposedly going to be a "board of directors" that will be created to handle any issues, or problem children out on Pagan Space) that this elite group will systematically get rid of individuals that they have had problems with currently, and in the past. This "board of directors" will attempt to make Pagan Space a utopian playground for their version of paganism. Welcome to homogenization folks.

I have yet to be banned from Pagan Space, because I bring traffic to that place, when I either write a blog, or leave a comment on a discussion. I am not the only one who is "controversial" out on Pagan Space. People like myself ensure that Pagan Space gets the traffic that it needs to survive. If this "board of directors" culls the more "controversial" individuals from Pagan Space....you will begin to hear the crickets.

I have also come to the decision that I am no longer going to post blogs out on Pagan Space, or participate in discussions(yeah, I know I said this before only to get sucked back into that gods forsaken place). I will keep my account active, but I am not even going to use Pagan Space as a resource. My energy is better spent on other social networks that are worth their weight in gold, and not in shit.

So long Pagan Space....you died years ago, and the final nail is about to be put in your coffin.

Revisiting Paganism

2012-02-06T20:30:00.000-05:00

No. I am not retracting my vow never to identify with the word pagan. I am also not making the decision to belong, once again, to the pagan community. I am revisiting what the word pagan meant, and what the word pagan has evolved into(be forewarned, this is my opinion, and I do not profess to be the end all be all of the meanings of any words).

The word pagan started out as a pejorative towards any person who was not cosmopolitan. A city person would call a non city person a "pagan." Pagan pretty much meant a country bumpkin, or a hick. This is not new knowledge here folks. Pagan was not a word that any person wanted to be called. Pagan was a negative word, and in some circles pagan is still used as a negative word.

In my opinion, please re read that, individuals who practiced folk traditions, or cunning traditions, back in the day, never called themselves a pagan. Why would they give themselves a negative connotation, when what they were doing was not quite on the up and up? I do not think that these folks would have called themselves pagan.

Fast forward hundreds of years, and the word pagan evolved into meaning "practicing any religion that was non Abrahamic(Christian, Islam, of Jewish)." Now, the word pagan has turned from a negative into somewhat a positive term. Today, the word pagan has so many meanings, and an individual who identifies with the word pagan may figure out what meaning applies to them.

Paganism encompasses many spiritual philosophies(I will never include Eastern philosophies as being pagan, since Eastern philosophies are a whole other bag of tricks). When one person embraces one pagan philosophy, versus another pagan philosophy, this does not mean that they are less than a pagan, nor does this mean that they are a "fake pagan." Once again, paganism encompasses MANY spiritual philosophies, and many of these spiritual philosophies are created by the person(this does not mean that these spiritual philosophies are less legitimate).

The debate of "what is paganism?" is a multi-layered debate. One also has to look at the history of paganism, and the evolution of the word....pagan. There are varying opinions of what pagan, and paganism encompasses. This is the subjective world that I live in. The goal is, for me, is to have this debate in a healthy, proactive environment, so that I may learn from pagans. My desire is to remove the UPG from this debate, and have a critical thinking moment. I don't deal with the fantasy world. I deal in the real world. The word pagan is does not have some ancient meaning. The word pagan, in 2012, is the evolution of hundreds of years. Romanticizing the word pagan does not make the word pagan ancient, nor does romanticizing the word pagan remove the negative connotations of the word.

*Side note:* My definitions of some terms:

*Fake pagan: A person who does not have a solid spiritual base to build their form of spirituality. A person who misrepresents, and misappropriates, a culture, gods, goddess, ancestors, and any thing else they can get their grubby little hands on.

*Neo-pagan: This simply means "new pagan." There is this "war" that goes on between the old guard pagans and the new guard pagans. To me, this is nothing more than petty bullshit.

Drowning in Your Own Bullshit

2012-02-04T22:49:00.000-05:00

There are a few people that I have encountered, in the Interverse, that need to drown in the bullshit that they create.

First off, I am beginning to stroke out a bit when I witness any interaction between Clotted Ass, and any other being. If a person has one bit of intelligence, in their being, that person would stroke out also, after reading anything that Clotted Ass writes. Clotted Ass is the definition of passive aggressive, and is beyond irritating. She is the dragon that I poke, and will slay one day. She needs to drown in the bullshit that she creates.

Second, any so called pagan or occult "elder" attempts to put me in my place, talk over me, or say "you don't know anything" needs to choke on the turd that they just produced. I have very few "elders" that I would seek advice from, and these folks are of a caliber that many so called pagan or occult "elders" would give their left ovary or nut for. These so called "elders" need to drown in the bullshit that they create.

Third, I will feed you your own bullshit. I will not swallow it. I will throw it back in your face, and shove it down your own throat. How does it taste?

Step Away From The Keyboard, and go breath the fresh air

2012-01-29T20:34:00.000-05:00

Technology is a wonderful thing, isn't it? I can communicate with people from all over the world. I can write these little ditties, for people to read. I can participate, in the global community, all from my office chair. These are the chains that have bound me, and bind many people. Technology is a double edged sword, and it can cut you deep.

I have made a pledge to myself, that I am going to cut my time on social networks down to next to nothing. I use Pagan Space as a resource now, and I do not participate in discussions. I will post a blog out there once a month. That is the extent of my interaction, out on that social network.

My participation, out on Facebook, is going to be even more limited. I removed myself from a group that I was an original member of, because I will not be apart of a two party show. I do not feed anyone's ego, nor will I be subject to the stupidity of an individual who is nothing more that a parrot. I created a group that is only for those who I want to even interact with, out on Facebook.

Those folks who sit on the computer all day, but yet profess to "practice their spirituality," are full of shit. When was the last time these so called pagans took a walk in the woods for longer that 10 minutes? This is hard to do when you are glued to your computer for 12 hours a fucking day. Actions speak louder than words, and the actions of many pagans scream "I am a poser."

I am breathing the fresh air. I have made some major changes, in my life, and these changes do not include being apart, or even privy to social networks that are infested with stupidity, and redundancy.

Playgans: Are You One?

2012-01-22T04:23:00.000-05:00

I will explain what a playgan is, and then you can evaluate your spiritual *insert whatever the hell you identify with here*, and see if you are are playgan or not.

Playgan: A person, or persons who misappropriate a culture, dismiss historical evidence, don't understand basic anthropology, or basic archeology, and dismiss evident lore about a culture. Another meaning of playgan is a person or persons "play at being a pagan" and do not really identify with being a pagan. These folks are pagan because either being a pagan is the cool thing to do, or because being a pagan is still considered an underground movement. Also, playgans do not wish to educate themselves about the "tradition" that they supposedly follow. They read one book, and all of the sudden they are experts. Or they have a so called ancestry that verifies their so called tradition that justifies their ignorance.

This is my description of a playgan.

Playgans are the scourge of paganism. Paganism is accepting of every walk of life, and that will be the downfall of paganism. Do not question a fellow pagan, or you will be damned! Do not dare question any pagan's personal path, or you will have playgan, and some pagan furies decent upon you! As a pagan, you are to shut up and swallow whatever bullshit is dished out to you!

I will never accept a person's claim to be a "faerie queen." Since this title belongs to a deity who I would not want to piss off. I will never accept that a person is of "the Fae"(meaning that some people actually believe that they have "Fae blood" that runs through their veins). Since the Fae are a mythical race of people. I will question every line of bullshit that comes my way.

I do not care if a person, who is a playgan, wants to get drunk, and be merry. I do not care if a person wants to personify their inner "witch", and dance around a fucking bonfire til the wee hours of the morning. These things are what playgans, and some pagans will do til their hearts content. But, do not make claims that are in the realm of a UPG(unverified personal gnosis), to be true. A UPG is true to you, the one who holds onto a UPG, and this does NOT make it true for the rest of pagandom. I do not have to swallow your bullshit UPG, and to the one who has a UPG you really should be careful about shoving your UPG down anyone's throat. I have a tendency to bite things off.

If you are a playgan don't come near me. If you want to move beyond being a playgan then by all means do so. I am not sure why any person would want to embrace being a playgan, but then again humanity never ceases to amaze me. Especially, individuals who are playgans.

There is nothing wrong with having a little fun, and embracing the beauty of dancing around a bonfire, and drinking with your fellow friends. There is a difference between a pagan who is doing such acts(hopefully that pagan has a strong base in their spiritual philosophy), and a playgan who is the ditz of the pagan world.

Perseverence

2012-01-15T15:02:00.000-05:00

Persevere: to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose inspite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly.

Giving up is easier that pushing through the obstacle. I have given up many times, and I allowed the obstacles to win. All that got me was a whole lotta guilt for not completing a difficult task.

My first attempt at college life was one obstacle that I let beat me, and the second time around at the college life, I conquered those fucking obstacles. Relationships, intimate, or platonic, provided many obstacles that I could not, at the time, navigate. Life throws up obstacles every day, and I make the choice either to bust through, and tear down those obstacles. I also make the decision to allow an obstacle to beat me down. I often have to reflect, and think how I can destroy the obstacles that I have put up. I create, and now I must destroy the very thing that I have created. This is not an easy thing to do.

I used to allow obstacles to rule over me, and to defeat me. I allow outside forces influence how I dealt with the obstacles in my life, when these folks wanted nothing more than to see me fail. I realized that many people who were apart of my life did not want to help me succeed....they only wanted me to fail. I allowed them to empower me, and that has taken me, now, four years to wash myself clean from their influence.

I have persevered, and I continue to challenge myself. I look at my obstacles, in my life, and say to myself "how am I going to navigate this, and how am I going to beat this bitch into submission?"

*this ends my interpretation, and personal experience with the Nine Noble Truths of Asatru*

Industriousness

2012-01-15T07:20:00.000-05:00

Industrious: Assiduous in work or study; diligent

Work hard, and the world becomes your oyster, right? Not always. There are individuals out there who will rob a person of their pearls, and exploit the idea that a person has a strong work ethic. I know, because I have experienced both. But, I still have a strong work ethic, and those who tried to break me, well that didn't work. Don't let the fucks of the world break you. There is your piece of unsolicited piece of advice today.

I work smart, but I also work hard. I have worked hard to achieve one major goal of mine; my college degree. I have also worked hard at becoming more aware of the person that I want to do, and not what others think I should do, or be.

Now, I just need to be more industriousness with writing, and I will be all peachy and creamy. :-) That is what goals are for...to remind me that "hey you need to get your ass on your notebook and write some shit."

Diligence. Industriousness. Concepts that can be applied to everyday living...that is if you make the conscience choice to make diligence and industriousness concepts.

Self Reliance: Part Two

2012-01-15T05:11:00.001-05:00

Self Reliance: Reliance on one's own capabilities, judgment, or resources; independence.

The term self reliance is thrown around by various communities(mostly environs, hippie, the so called green movement, pagans, and heathens). Self reliance is a quality that every human being needs to foster. A human being cannot always be dependent upon governments, communities, or even those who are close to them. Governments fail, and crumble. Communities tend to become quite totalitarian, when push comes to shove. Those who are close to you will die one day. Not being morose or negative. I am being a realist, or at least I play one on the Internet.

My own self reliance was born out of necessity. As the saying goes, "necessity is the mother of invention." I don't want to break my fragile bank by having to buy supplies for my tradition, so I have learned to make what use the most. I still need to buy, mostly in bulk, was I need to make candles, and incense. But, when I do this, my supplies usually last for at least six months. I am a solitary practitioner, and I don't celebrate many holidays. This means that my supplies, and my creations will last me longer, in theory. I do give my creations away, but only to a select few. But, I am digressing here.

I also grow my own vegetables, and one day I will have a couple of fruit trees(apples, peaches, and cherries). What I don't grow, I am going to supplement with buying more local produce this spring, summer, and fall. I do support my local farmers, when I can(remember fragile bank account here).

I need to get back into sewing, and making my own clothing, on a basic level. I would love to make myself a nice cloak, and I love arm warmers. I am not afraid of screwing up, but I don't like to waste my money on fabric, when I screw up. That is why I have scrap fabric right? Experiment, and see what happens. I also knit, but I am still working a scarf from last year. I am going to finish that, and hone my knitting skills so I can make more than just scarves.

I want my home, and my family of one(my boyfriend) to become less reliant upon outside forces. I know I cannot eliminate every reliance, but I can minimize my reliance upon others, because I am too lazy to learn a new craft, subject, or just life lesson. I think laziness is the demotional factor with many individuals. Time, I don't think is a factor. I know that I have eliminated, or I am in the process of eliminating time killers to make way for many creative, and practical endeavours.

Self reliance doesn't mean becoming a hermit. Self reliance doesn't mean that I go further down the rabbit hole into complete misanthropy. Self reliance means that when the shit hits the fan, I have an umbrella

Self-Reliance

2012-01-08T05:32:00.000-05:00

Self Reliance: Reliance on one's own capabilities, judgment, or resources; independence...reliance on one's own abilities, decisions, etc.

I have a hard time with self reliance. Not the concept of self reliance, but putting that concept into play, with my own life.

I have struggled with being co-dependent, and being to dependent upon other human beings...mostly men. I have relied upon men for finances, and for the basic needs(shelter, food, etc). I have broken the chain of co-dependency, but being dependent upon other humans is a hard chain to break. I am coming to the conclusion that, like it or not, in a basic way, I will always be dependent upon other human beings. Even if I become a successful writer, I will depend upon others to buy my books, so I can make a living, and survive.

There are many skills that I want to master, so my dependence upon humanity lessens to some extent. I need to learn to make my own clothing, again. I need to wander into the realm of learning an age old skill that is dying out, for example metal working, or even wood working. I also need to gain employment that can sustain me, and my household. I live in a modern world where money does make the world go around, much to my dismay.

What is self reliance to the everyday person? I am sure that I would get a plethora of different answers, and I may even get an answer like "I am not self reliant." Not being self reliant would be a scary place for me to be. I do not want to be anymore dependent than I need to be upon humanity.

I am also reliant upon the earth. I grow my own food. This means that I am also reliant upon a force that can be quite bi-polar at times.

My self reliance is a work in progress. The more I crave to be self reliant the more I see myself slipping away from the world, and retreating into my own little world.

Hospitality

2012-01-01T09:24:00.000-05:00

Hospitality is the relationship between guest and host, or the act or practice of being hospitable. Specifically, this includes the reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers, resorts, membership clubs, conventions, attractions, special events, and other services for travelers and tourists.-Wikipedia

Some Odinists, and Asatru will say that hospitality is the most important virtue. I scratch my head in wonder, because the Odinists, and Asatru that I have met are far from being hospitable individuals(yeah..I know...there are many Odinists, and Asatru that are very hospitable, just not the ones that I have met).

I have mentioned an Odinist before, in one of my back blog entries, and his hospitality has too many expectations attached to his hospitality. Boundaries must be defined, and understood, but a hospitable host does not make their home so damn difficult to be in that one has to remove themselves from it never to return. My encounter with this Odinist has scarred me a bit, and I admit that I am not a fan of Odinists(which is sad because All Father has been apart of my life since I was a little girl).

Many Asatru are not willing to open their kindred to individuals who are non Asatru. Whatever the reason is for this, is the that specific kindred's issue. But, this exclusionary rule, I think, does damage to the Asatru community as a whole. If a kindred has no intention of being apart of the greater society or community then by all means stay within your defined boundaries, and do not impose your kindred's ideas upon anyone else, whether that person be non Asatru or Asatru. Once again hospitality fails these types of folks.

I am very hospitable to those who come to my house. I do not have many visitors, and I rather enjoy it. Those who are invited to my home are treated as a part of my family, considering that those who do come into my home I already feel comfortable enough with to look upon them as family. Those who do not feel comfortable, in my home, are individuals who I would not invite back, and their uncomfortableness has to do with Bridget not liking them around her(not to mention that I probably did not want them in my house to begin with, but what can I do when I don't like the majority of my boyfriend's friends). I do not go out of my way to make someone feel uncomfortable in my home(okay sometimes I do, but that is just because I may not like that person).

My home, and land are open to those who do not disrespect me, my boyfriend, or our land. Do not disrespect my spiritual path. Do not act like an ignorant ass while in my home. Do not touch my altars(big no no). If a person has questions, feel free to ask.

My hospitality is not to be abuse, or used. My wrath is to be feared.

Discipline

2012-01-01T08:53:00.000-05:00

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell." Buddha

I am the first one to admit that my discipline is lacking. I have a plethora of projects that are going on seven years undone. I am a writer who does not write. I am a crafter who does not craft. I let outside influences dictate to me when I should tell those forces to shut the fuck up and go sit in the corner. I have many goals, but I lack the discipline to accomplish those goals.

Life before the Internet was easier for me. I read five books a day, and I wrote endlessly. I cannot use the Internet as an excuse for my lack of discipline. I made, and make the conscience choice to interact on the Internet.

I look at my time killers, and the Internet is one of those time killers. I have, in the last six months, cut the time that I spend on the Internet almost in half. Funny, how I am bitching about my use of the Internet, and I am on the Internet typing this blog out. I walk a delicate balance.

Another time killer is my own mind. I doubt my ability to write, and to craft. Instead of just going out and doing, I allow my depression, and lack of self confidence to rule the day. <----this is something that will be conquered in the next days, and weeks. I have to be my own cheerleader, because I do not have minions in my corner cheering me on(I am fine with this fact. I am used to having to motivate myself, and telling myself "you dear do rock.").

Becoming a successful writer is not a goal of mine. Allowing myself to write, and not giving a shit about the content is a goal of mine. Disciplining myself to write everyday, no matter what, is one tough cookie to bite into.

My discipline towards my spirituality has improved ten fold. I am happy with that, and I am looking towards being more discipline with factions of my spirituality.

Discipline is not an easy beast to tame, but once discipline becomes a habit then the beast can rest at my feet.

Fidelity

2012-01-01T08:34:00.000-05:00

"Fidelity" is the quality of being faithful or loyal. Its original meaning regarded duty to a lord or a king, in a broader sense than the related concept of fealty. Both derive from the Latin word fidēlis, meaning "faithful or loyal".-Wikipedia

Loyalty is a long gone virtue, in my humble opinion. Individuals, in today's society, have a habit of throwing people, and objects to the wayside when a person, or object no longer suits that person's needs. There is a difference between knowing that a person or object is not good for a person, and not having the patience to see if a person, or object will benefit an individual.

I have not been a very loyal person. I have thrown people away like a used up piece of paper. I have thrown objects to the side for various reasons. I have not been a loyal person, but since 2008, that has changed.

I made a conscience decision to be loyal to myself, to my boyfriend, to the home I live in, and to the few friends that I have. For, now, four years, I have been cleaning house, per se, to rid myself of habits that steer me towards not being loyal. I have also cleared out so called friends who I thought were loyal to me also. Not only do I have to be loyal, but, in my opinion, those who are apart of my life also need to be loyal to me. I do not ask for blood, but just honest, love, and trust(sometimes the blood is easier for some to fork over).

When I dismiss a person from my life this is not just a knee jerk reaction to something that they may have said to me in person, or online. That person had to have done something, to me, that warranted me to cut my loyalty to them, and never be apart of their lives again. My loyalty is not something that I just hand out, and nor should anyone hand their loyalty out to the lowest bidder. I have a very close circle of friends, and I have also removed individuals who I thought were my friends. I am a better person for pulling in the reins.

I have been tempted, and tormented. My loyalty is fierce, and strong for those who deserve my loyalty. I am loyal to me, and mine. I do not waiver, and I stand my ground.

Honor

2011-12-17T04:44:00.000-05:00

Honor is being honest, having integrity, and an adherence to what is right. Honor is standing up for someone who is unable. Honor is standing up for yourself. Often a person with honor stands alone.

I think that individuals either have honor or they don't have honor. Honor is not something that a person is born with, or can learn.

Honor is looking past the social stigmas, and social norms. Honor is looking at a person's quality, not quantity. Honor is looking at the entire story, and not just one side of it. Honor is doing one's research about a situation, and not taking a person's word for it.

Honor is standing not only for one's own beliefs, but the beliefs of others. Honor is speaking up, or writing when other individuals make the decision to be ignorant with their speech or writings (pagans, and heathens have a tendency to become elitist bastards, and it is time that this behavior is put into its place. Pagans, and heathens, who display this type of behavior need to be put into their place).

Those, in the heathen community, who think that they are honorable are probably not. Those heathens who don't think that they are honorable probably are. It doesn't matter if a person thinks or doesn't think that they are honorable......by their actions the world community will see who is and who is not honorable.

Truth

2011-12-09T12:28:00.000-05:00

Oh I can hear it now......wait for it....wait....."you can't handle the truth!" A classic line that has been over used, like many classic lines.

I am not going to get into the specifics of what is and what isn't truth. Once again, truth is going to be written about through my little beady eyes.

Truth to me is when a person can look you in the eye. I am aware that individuals, who are cunning, and manipulative can look me in the eye and lie to me. This is a hard thing to accomplish, because I have a habit of cracking people, who are lying to me.

Truth is more than being honest. Truth is being true to whatever you are, and whatever you do. We all lie, either to protect ourselves, or to get further in this world. But, for all of us who lie, because of the aforementioned reasons, there are many others who lie just because that is all that they know. We all embellish. We all tell stories to make ourselves look different, better, or just because to the general public. Is this lying? I don't see it as such. I see it as taking creative license with one's life.

Intentionally misleading a person, or the public is a violation of being truthful, in my opinion. When a person knows that they are lying, to a person, or the public, for whatever reason that is unacceptable. Honesty does go a long way, but in my life, I do make the choice who, and when I am honest. Truth is subjective. Always has been, and always will be.

Truth applies to my spiritual life, as such: I come as honest as I possibly can to my gods, goddess, ancestors and orishas. I am brutally honest with myself. I don't con myself into believing without research, and meditation. I am honest with my rituals, and honorings. I am honest, as much as possible, to the SGF, and my close friends and family.

Apply truth as how you see fit is what I say.

Courage

2011-12-03T04:28:00.000-05:00

I know I am a little late with this, but hey the muse is speaking through me now. Better late than never!

Courage. I am not going to post the definition of courage, because I do not think that posting a dictionary definition really matters, since many of you already know what courage is. I am going to talk about what courage means to moi.

Courage is not something that I take lightly. Courage is not something that a person has or does not have. I think that every human being has some courage that is brewing inside of them.

Courage takes on different forms. I see courage everyday in the faces of people who are struggling with life. The single mother. The single father. The person with HIV/AIDS. The person with a terminal disease. There are many more individuals who have the courage to live their lives no matter how difficult.

But, let us face a fact. Life is hard for all of us. Each one of us has our own unique challenges to face everyday that we wake up. I would like to think that each human being has the courage to face those challenges head on, and deal with each challenge. But, alas. I look at today's society and shake my head. Many individuals blame others for their woes, and refuse to take responsibility for their lives. I look at these people and think "you have no courage." Standing up against so called injustices, but yet not doing anything in their personal lives to improve their lives is not courage in my opinion. I think that this behavior is nothing more than a self serving, self righteous act.

Courage is more than an act. I think that courage becomes a part of one's life, and from there it becomes a part of a person's lifestyle. Am I courageous? I would like to think I am, but I know that there is always room for improvement.

The Nine Noble Virtues or Truths: An Introduction

2011-11-26T13:19:00.000-05:00

In the next nine blog entries, I am going to address "The Nine Noble Virtues/Truths" of Odinism and Asatru (both of these Heathen religions use The Nine Noble Virtues or Truths within the context of either Odinism or Asatru).

I am not going to address Odinism, or Asatru, since I am a non religious person. But, I am going to address if these "Nine Noble Virtues/Truths" apply to my life, and if they do how I apply them to my life.

I am a follower of the Northern Traditions. Not Odinism or Asatru. I don't need dogmatic religions, whether those religions be of Heathen origin or not, to dictate to me how I honor my ancestor's gods and goddesses.

Blame Canada!

2011-10-01T06:46:00.000-04:00

Blame Canada! Blame Canada! There is my tribute to the South Park movie. Hope you enjoyed it. *snorts

I do love most of my brothers and sisters in the Great White North. Hell, Canada gave us the greatest band in the fucking world....Rush. So, I can't hate on Canada too much.

I have one person who I like who is from Canada, because she is not a self righteous fuck like most Canadians that I have encounter. What the fuck is up with most Canadians thinking that life there is so fucking great? Yeah. Being proud of where you are from is an okay thing, but some Canadians just take it a bit too far, like some Americans who take the pride living here in the United States too far.

A lot of the Canadians that I have come across, either online, or in real life are pretty fucking snobby. I live one hour away from the Quebec/United States border, and yeah I know that Quebeqouis are different than the rest of Canada. But, the attitude that the Quebeqouis have is an attitude that runs rampant through Canada. Out right snobby, and self righteous.

Canadians who dislike the United States, but still come to the United States for whatever reason need to have a reality check. If you don't like the United States don't bother crossing the border to shop, or visit. Living in Canada is not cheep, because well Canadians are so well taken care of by their government....*snorts.

I understand why a lot of Canadians do not like Americans. Americans are arrogant, retarded, and just retarded. But, I don't think that all Canadians are snobby, and assholish. I don't really appreciate that some Canadians think that all Americans agree with our government, or think that the United States is the "best fucking country in the world!" I don't like generalizations. I don't have the attitude of "America! Fuck Yeah!" I know I live in a country that is completely fucked, and many of the people living here are dicks.

So, Canadians I know that you are on top of the United States, and some of you think that means that you are superior over the United States. Second largest country in the world. But, at least my country is not ruled by a monarchy, because of a little thing called the American Revolution.

The Idea of a "Feisty Witch"

2011-09-24T22:35:00.000-04:00

In my travelings through the Interverse, and through Pagan Space, a member of Pagan Space felt the need about a year ago to start a group out in Pagan Space called "Feisty Witches of Pagan Space."

Now, I really don't give a shit that these individuals think that they are "feisty." The point of this blog entry is to make fun of them, and the name of this group on Pagan Space. Yeah, I am being a bit petty here, but hey I can lower myself into the pig shit too!

The group was started by my favorite person in the world Clotted Ass! She really does think that she is a "feisty witch," when, to me (and that is all that matters), she is far from being a feisty witch. Clotted Ass is a human being who makes the attempt at being controversial, and epically failing at it. I have written about this before, that all Clotted Ass is...is fodder, and she is the resident Pagan Space village idiot. Oh, but she is so much fun to write about! I have to admit, Clotted Ass does give me a lot of material to work with...she just doesn't know it. But, I digress.

The feisty witch group on Pagan Space is filled with mostly women who feel comfortable enough to talk freely about issues that they think will not be questioned by anyone else, since all of these women are feisty witches! This group is nothing more than extension of a group of women getting together to gossip, talk about sex, and be a part of the coffee clatch mentality.

I am a woman, and I gossip, and I talk about sex, but I am not apart of that coffee clatch mentality world. I call women who are apart of the coffee clatch clucking hens, because these women don't have really anything to give in a discussion, but they cluck away anyway. A bit like Clotted Ass. She really doesn't have much to offer in a Pagan Space forum discussion, but she still clucks away.

The women who are apart of this group are not feisty witches...not in my opinion. They don't fit the mold of a feisty witch, if there is such a thing. Being feisty has nothing to do with being a witch. Being feisty is not being a bitch, or a cunt either. Being feisty is being passionate about one'e life, and the rag tag pieces of one's life. Feisty does not equate to talking shit about someone, or being superficial. Nor is it participating in every goddamn discussion that is known to man.

Prayers vs Spell Crafting: the difference between sitting on your ass and doing something

2011-09-20T20:12:00.000-04:00

The majority of folks who adhere to the practice of praying "let go and give it to god." I am using god in the abstract here, and I am also using this word as an all encompassing to describe deity.

While this type of praying is great for mental masturbation it really does not help when a person needs to pay the rent or the mortgage.

Praying, unfortunately, has the reputation of "sitting on one's ass, or on one's knees and not doing anything about one's situation." But, is this any different than the spell caster who casts a spell, and then does nothing to assist the spell?

*warning explanation forth coming!*

An individual, no matter the spiritual practice, needs to be proactive in their life. A person needs to get their ass out into the world and actually *gasp* work if that person needs money to pay their bills. If a person wants to attract the "right" types of people into their life then maybe, just maybe that person, who wants to attract the "right" type of people into their life needs to work on themselves. I don't want to be around certain types of people, so I don't attract these types to me. Amazing what a little bit of path working can do for a person's life. :-) A person wants love...then start with yourself. A person wants, and wants, and wants......what about need?

A lot of folks do not think about what they need, but only what they want (yes there is a difference between the two). So, some folks will pray, or cast a spell to "improve" their life, but that is it. No doing what needs to be done, because the deities will take care of it right? *le sigh.

I don't see the difference between prayers and spell crafting. I witnessed a person attempting to show the difference, and here is their example:

Prayer: Hoping the Dad will give you $20 bucks
Spell Crafting: going out and mowing lawns to earn the money.

Um. That is not showing the difference between the two. That is showing what I talked about a couple of paragraphs up. Try as pagans may, pagans cannot distinguish between the two, because prayer and spell crafting is.....*gasp again*the same fucking thing.

The only difference between the two is the deity that is being called upon, and the intent. Christians pray to who they call God. Muslims pray to Allah. Jews pray to God. Pagans pray to a long litany of deities. Hindus pray to various deities. Atheists just sit and laugh. :-)

Most pagans attempt to divorce prayer from spell crafting because of the Christian overtones, because most pagans can't stand Christianity for whatever butthurtness that Christianity has supposedly done to them. I have a big cup of get the fuck over it waiting for these folks on my kitchen counter. This cup is also served with a side of shut the fuck up too.

There is no prayers versus spell crafting. There is no debate. Praying and spell crafting is nothing more than verbal and mental masturbation....unless a person is willing to dump their personal shit, and maybe get out there and actually do something about the pathetic life that person leads. Does praying, and spell crafting make ya feel better because you believe that the deity that you are petitioning will just come on down and improve your life without you participating? I don't know what deity that these folks you believe this way are petitioning, but the ones that I work with don't reward laziness.

Anarchy! Anarchy!

2011-09-14T20:39:00.000-04:00

Hello my lovelies.

Well, it has been an interesting couple of weeks out in the Internetsphere. A lot of blah blah bullshit has been happening, but there was one bull dropping that got this witch's attention.

Since, I am no longer a member of Pagan Space, or even on Facebook anymore, I tend to wander through PaganSpace because the discussion forums can be read even if one is not a member.

This wandering brought me to an interesting discussion about a bunch of ~~mentally challenged~~ people who thought it would be a wonderful idea to start a "high pagan council." That's right folks. Another group wanting to "enlighten" the rest of the pagans. I watched as some individuals, right on cue, jumped on that discussion like it was a two dollar whore. It was entertaining for a bit, and while I don't agree with any idea of creating a "high pagan council" which has come to my attention comes from a role playing game, I do think that in order to bring such a group down one has to be smart about it. I have to admit that there are few smart pagans out there. But alas, there is hope!

My friend Sin, yes she is getting a plug here, was just that person to bring this almighty "high pagan council" down. She gathered her sinions together and they collectively brought this bitch, the "high pagan council" down. Under the name of Low Pagan Council, Sin and the Sinions infiltrated, researched, and exposed the "high pagan council" for what it was. Nothing but a bunch of liars, thieves, and con artists. Oh, and the website that the "high pagan council" developed has not been shut the fuck down. I am not sure about the Facebook group, but I am sure that my lovely readers can go check Facebook out if you want to take a look at this group, and to see if it still up and running.

I am not sure if this "high pagan council" was a lark, and if it was just bait to see how quickly it could be shut the fuck down. Then again I don't put much faith in the mental capacity of most humans.

This is just an example of what a small group of like minded people can do. There are plenty of so called "pagan" groups who think that they are doing the "greater good" when all they do is propagate the stereotypical pagans. Time to rise. I say anarchy in the pagan world!

The Praying Mantis

2011-08-22T21:10:00.000-04:00

I found my direction with my personal podcast. For the rest of this year, I plan on telling stories. Personal stories. Folk lore stories. Just stories.

This is a part of who I am, as a writing, and as a person who enjoys informing people. I like to tells stories. Each story...of course...is true. :-)

Angry Little People

2011-08-07T02:44:00.000-04:00

I have made a realization, while listening to a podcast that will soon be deleted from my iPod. This realization, and even revelation is that some individuals in the pagan community are angry little bitches, and act quite immature.

Now, I am all for strong opinions, but when these opinions are laced with contempt for the way that another culture lives their lives, there lies the problem.

Let me explain a bit further; I listened to "Standing Stone and Garden Gate" podshow for well over a year now, and while I hoped that the tone of this podshow would change just a bit, the tone being that we are from Canada and live a better live than you folks who live in the United States, it hasn't. The hosts of this show, Juniper, and Brenden Meyers, yes that Brenden Myers if any of you are familiar with him, are very high and mighty on themselves. This podshow's intent was to bring a bit more intelligence to the pagan community (Brenden is a philosopher, and teaches this at a Quebec college). While I do enjoy having my brain expanded a bit, this is ruined by Juniper's disdain for anything that goes against her principles(she made the off handed comment that "people should stop shopping at fucking Walmart" during a podcast about shopping more locally and supporting local businesses). Juniper is a rabid animal rights advocate, and I would goes as far as saying she is an extremist. Both individuals give the air that they don't have a lot of money, but yet seem to find money to spend on high end alcohol. Both Juniper and Brenden also give the air that they live the "green" lifestyle, because they are so "poor." No, the make the choice to do so, and to give the impression otherwise is being dishonest.

My major gripe is with Juniper, and I am sure that she does not give two shits that I do have a gripe with her, because she is Juniper! She is a very arrogant individual who thinks that she is the source of all knowledge when it comes to hedge witchery. I do have to giggle at this, because when I listen to the podshow that she talked about hedge witchery she was off the mark, even though she thinks she is right on the mark when it comes to hedge witchery. When did hedge witchery become synonomous with crossing the veil? When did these two terms become interchangeable? I am sorry but the two terms are not the same, and should not be used interchangeably. Crossing the veil means speaking with the dead, and being a hedge witch, or crossing the hedge is going into another realm, which does not mean that you are necessarily talking with the dead. For all of her learning, Juniper really fucked the dog on this one. If she wants to use these terms interchangeably that is fine, but it is not correct. Every fucking hedge witch has his or her own way of looking at hedge witchery, and I don't think any of them are correct. But, this is of course my opinion, which is something that Juniper has never said "this is my opinion." Juniper does think that what she says about hedge witchery is right, and sound. I feel for those who have taken classes from her or even read her blog. I hope that these people are not sheep, and do their own research before believing Juniper. Juniper is a spiritual snob, and well so is Brenden(and if I am not spelling his name correct, I really don't care).

My recommendation is to stay away from this podshow, or hell take a listen for yourself and use your own judgement. If you think that Juniper and Brenden are not talking down to you then by all means keep listening, but I have given their podshow enough time and attention. I have to say that I really didn't learn too much, because I am a working witch, and a thinking pagan. To assume that everyone that listens to "Standing Stone and Garden Gate" podshow is mentally defunct is intellectually dishonest(this is the attitude that Juniper and Brenden seem to convey). Also to assume that everyone that listens to this podshow is on the same level as Juniper and Brenden, in a spiritually, and mental way, is also rude, and inconsiderate. I remember one time, I do think it was Juniper, saying that they will not "dumb" themselves down for anyone. This is not verbatum, but the point is still made. She is basically saying fuck anyone who does not have the intelligence to understand what is being discussed on their precious podshow. This is the type of person who is teaching people folks about her version of hedge witchery.

Juniper and Brenden like to toot their own horns about having a controversial podshow. I don't think that their podshow is controversial, as much, as condensending. I walk away from the hour and a half thinking to myself "I want that hour and a half back now." I really did have high hopes for this podshow, but just like every high brow pagan podshow out there this show took a turn into that all familiar snootville suburb.

230ish

2011-08-03T00:36:00.000-04:00

The title of this blog represents how many, or close to, the number of podcast episodes that I need to listen too. Yes, I said need, because podcasts is a great media for me to learn about various subjects. When I meant various, I really mean various.

I have a lot of pagan, and occult podcasts that I listen too. These types of podcasts take up a lot of memory on my iPod. But, I have other subjects that I listen too also. Philosophy, history, archeology, astrology, geology, world news, language, and pop culture are just a few other subjects that I listen to as podcasts. I also listen to my iTunes when I am on my desktop computer.

For me, podcasts are the modern version of a radio shows that were so popular back in the 20's, 30's, 40's, and 50's. I enjoy listening to the radio, and this is why I enjoy listening to my choices of podcasts. I do understand that my choices in podcasts are not for everyone. I tend to be drawn to podcasts that stretch my brain, and that is what August is all about for me.

My travels along my witch road are becoming more about my five senses being stimulated, while the brain is also being stretched. This cannot happen for me if I am connected to my computer. I am understanding that social media is only going to be used to promote my blog talk radio shows, and not to be social anymore. Computers tend to deaden my senses, and I am all about awaken not deadening.

The Witch Road

2011-08-01T21:13:00.000-04:00

I have been stretching my mind lately. I have been on a marathon podcast listening mode lately. I have been playing catch up with the more pagan type podcasts that I have on my iPod.

While I agree with some of what is being said on these podcasts I find myself disagreeing more than agreeing.

I have an issue with dividing witchcraft into subsections. Witchcraft is just that witchcraft. In my world, there is no need to make a division between hedge witch, green witch, cottage witch, green witch, kitchen witch, and hearth witch. I don't see the point in this division.

I understand that individual witches are drawn to certain aspects of witchcraft, but is it necessary to divide and conquer? I embrace all of these divisions, and I am making it a point to master all of these "divisions" of witchcraft. The reason why I want to master, and continue to learn all of these so called divisions is because I am a witch. I am a steward of the earth, and I love being a part of the earth.

This is my witch road. There are many bumps, and wanderings off of the witch road. This road is winding, and unending. But, it will never be the road not taken.

The Willing

2011-07-26T01:24:00.000-04:00

There is this need for information about the occult, and paganism that goes beyond the 101 stage. Prolific authors, and even pagan philosophers have talked about this very subject, but has anything been done to remedy this situation of going beyond the occult and paganism 101? In my opinion, well renowned occult and pagan authors do a lot of talk, but do not have a lot to show.

This is a problem for me; those individuals who are well renowned in the occult and pagan communities complain about the fact that there is not a lot of beyond pagan/occult 101 books or information out there. So, why don't these people step up to the plate then? Teach, write, discuss, or start a school to inform those who want to go beyond the 101 subjects. It doesn't do much good if individuals are gonna sit around a talk about it. One has to put the words into actions.

Another problem that I see in the pagan and occult communities is that people are lazy, and these folks don't want to move forward, but yet will bitch about how boring it is staying where they sit. These individuals will also talk about how they are stuck in a rut. I wonder why. It doesn't take a person with an IQ of 180 to figure that one out.

I moved beyond the occult/pagan 101 subjects about a year ago. I still like to refresh my brain, and I still enjoy reading some of the 101 subject material. But, I have moved on to the 102, 103, and even 104 subjects. I am more interested in learning about cultures, history, and the people who are the base of my spiritual practice. There is so much more to the occult and paganism, and there is so much more to learn. Magic is just one part of the bigger puzzle.

Mooning the World

2011-07-19T03:16:00.001-04:00

Fucking hell. I really need to get my dead mind going again, and I need to stop thinking that I need to be a part of anything that is outside of my existence.

Community is an odd critter to me, and I do not feel or think that I am a part of any community. I know I have talked about this subject before, but it seems like this subject comes up a lot in pagan discussion forums. I just don't understand why I must belong to any so called community, or why individuals think that I should belong to a community. Really folks. I can find people to commune with all on my little lonesome self.

I am one of these individuals who can seek out, if need be, individuals of like mind. I think I have done quite well in finding people I want to surround myself with. Now, I am not closed to going to pagan gatherings, or walking among pagans, Christians, or even Muslims. I enjoy expanding my experiences, but what I do not enjoy are the majority of the people who are a part of the above mentioned communities. I know. I need to seek out those who are ska douches, and I have honed my skills at doing this.

What I would like to do, one day, is to have a mini gathering at my home. I don't want to create my home as some type of utopia for those of other spiritual likings. I would love to have those who I have connected with to enjoy my mountain home as much as I do. Camping, fires, good food, drink, and lots of swearing will be done, if and when this ever happens.

My home is my community. Strange way of looking at this idea of community, but I include animals, and even the spirits that wander on my land into my idea of community. I am not alone, so I don't need to have someone else's structured idea of what community means. I have my own ideas of what community represents to me.

My Fuck You List

2011-07-10T01:42:00.001-04:00

I hate decrees, pledges, and 30 day movements. I don't even want to attempt to figure out why people feel the need to start, or even think such shit up. I don't participate in any of the above actions. Instead I am going to create my own "fuck you list."

Fuck you #1: If I read, or hear one more fucking person tell me what to do, or not to do I am going to put a "shut the fuck up and I hope your fingers fall off" hex upon them.

Fuck you #2: I don't care about your feelings. Really...I don't. So, check those fucking worthless emotions at the door before reading a single word that I type.

Fuck you #3: To those that must use illness to gain attention, or to drum up some type of support, your death can not come soon enough.

Fuck you #4: To those who must feel the need to declare that they are this that and the other thing duct tape was invented just for you, and so were hammers to break your fucking fingers to prevent you from typing in online forums.

Fuck you #5: I know that the education system has failed many people, and that I should dumb down my speech, and they way that I type. Did you get that? I typed the word "should." That doesn't mean that I will, and I won't dumb down my speech for anyone. If a person can not follow the bouncy red ball then that person needs to go back to grade school to learn reading comprehension. I do not exist to educate those who wish to remain ignorant.

Fuck you #6: To those who feel it necessary to post either pictures of themselves, sparkly bullshit "inspiration" pictures, and just annoying graphics you are not cute. You are not "inspiring" anyone, except the person who has such low self esteem that a picture will all of the sudden increase their self esteem. This next statement goes to those who post pictures of themselves, in great numbers, on online forums; I really don't give to flying rat fucks where you have been, what you look like, or how "impressive" you attempt to look. You are a hag with a really bad wig, and you look like you have been ridden hard and put up wet. Lay off the self tan lotion cause you look like an Oompa Loompa, and lay off the sun honey cause you look like a piece of beef jerky. Your pictures make me want to stay inside, so I don't end up looking like your dried up ass. Then again. I will never look like that.

Fuck you #7: If you are spiritually bankrupt, and then attempt to tarnish my "name" out on the Internet you have already failed. Those who are spiritually bankrupt do not have any footing with me, especially if these fucktards make the attempt to talk to me about spiritual matters. Attacking my spelling, my Internet "reputation," and being gossip folk just makes you look like the mongoloid retard that your momma should have strangled at birth, with your own birth cord.

Fuck you #8: I will not help those who cannot help themselves. I will never extend my hand if I know that person will not follow through. I do not waste my time, my energy, nor my resources on people who just want to be spoon fed spiritual knowledge. I am not the Wikipedia of occult matters, or root work matters. If a person wishes to put for the effort, and work for their knowledge then I will be more than happy to help them along.

Fuck you #9: I have worked hard at my academic studies, and I will never apologize or feel like I am worthless because of it. Jealousy can be an ugly thing, especially when it comes to knowing more than the average American. I teach myself what I do not know, and I have a lot to learn. I have educational, and spiritual goals. It is pathetic that members of the pagan community do not feel the same. If you do have spiritual and educational goals no need to get butthurt over that last statement, and if you don't enjoy the abuse.

I am fed the fuck up, and I am just not going to passively take part in the bullshit that I see on a daily basis, either on the Internet, or in real life. I will pick and choose my battles. I will not suffer the fool.

Starry Nights

2011-07-06T01:43:00.000-04:00

It is a starry night, up here at my mountain home, and I have decided to write down my thoughts about divine energy, or just energy in general.

Here, at the home of this Appalachian root worker, I do have a Temple Mother Goddess that I felt was needed. Danu, an Irish goddess of water, fertility, and just all around good stuff, has made her presence known to me for sometime. I have honored her, and last year I dedicated my temple, my home, and land, to her. I also have Temple Guardians, and one of these Guardians is the Goddess Bridgit, yet another Irish goddess who protects the home, is my creative muse, and is also a healer. The other Temple Guardians are Freya, a Norse Goddess, and Frigga, another Norse Goddess. Hecate, and the Morrigan are my own personal Goddesses who have been with me through some tough times, and their guidance has helped beyond words. Athena is another personal Goddess who is helping me to obtain some much needed justice. I should say that I do honor, and I am respectful of the history, and culture of all of these deities.

What about the gods? Well, Apollo is who I thank when the sun comes out, and for music, and poetry. All Father Odin slaps me upside the head with some much needed wisdom. Cernunnos is heard all through the woods, and Freyr's hand is noticed all over my land.

I also acknowledge the elementals, notice I didn't say elements there, even though I do recognize them also. There are land spirits here that also are respected, and honored.

My ancestors are venerated, and honored along with some Orishas, who have made their presence known.

I am a panentheist. I believe that there is energy, and divine energy in everything, and it doesn't matter what name a person gives this energy. Energy does not have a name unless humans give it a name. Energy knows no boundaries. It is timeless, endless, and it is always present. I am agnostic when it comes to death. I don't know where my energy goes, since I don't believe in reincarnation. Maybe my energy just goes back into the aether, or maybe is just is absorbed into the earth. I really don't know. I don't believe in a soul, but I do think that there is a spirit(yes, I do think that there is a difference between the two). I believe that the spirit is the energy that one is born with. That essence that makes a human a human, since I think that a human is more than just parts and pieces.

As Aleister Crowley says "we are all made of stars," or something to that affect.

A Meeting At The Crossroads

2011-07-03T03:04:00.000-04:00

No I didn't meet some dark stranger at the crossroads, even though that would have been fucking awesome. Nor did I see Hecate, in her spirit form. But, I have come to yet another crossroads in my life. It is a good type of crossroads. One that has been a long time coming.

Let me explain. I was on a pretty crooked path, spiritual, and even in that dreaded mundane world. I did not have any sense of direction, and my compass still isn't straight, but I doubt that it ever will be. I, in essence, forgot who the Appalachian root worker was. I know it sounds cliche and shit, but that is how it is.

I began to educate myself, face a lot of bullshit in my life(this is a continuing process by the way), and come to understand that there are just somethings that I need to stand for, and not be sitting on the fence about. One of these things is my spiritual philosophy that after a lot of searching, researching, listening to myself(the ancestors, and other teachers), I began to understand what was right, spiritually, for me. I don't push this philosophy upon anyone, and I rarely talk about it, outside this blog. I have said before that I am a very private person, and I am taking control over this privacy, once again.

I also began to understand that I can not be a part of the pagan community. I was wavering between yea, and nay about wandering, yet again, into the pagan community. The nays won out, and it wasn't because of Pagan Space. Pagan Space did have a lot to do with this decision, but also just individuals that I have interacted with, in person, and the persona that a lot of pagans have developed is not conducive for me. So, I have finally made the decision to bow out of the pagan community for good. I never felt that I needed the pagan community, since, in my opinion, the pagan community only serves those who are important, or seek attention. Yes, there are some great people that are pagans, but the majority of pagans are asstards, and I will not surround myself with asstards.

Speaking of Pagan Space; it is kind of sad that a great concept has been corrupted and bastardized into what it is in 2011. Pagan Space had great potential, and it went downhill from there. Restrictions on speech, too many rules and regulations(I am aware that there has to been some rules and regulations, but no being able to use the word cunt is censorship. It is not my problem that the owner takes issue with that word). There are also too many people willing to whine and complain about certain members because these certain members have a full brain and not 1/4 of a brain. Those who are willing to stand up and call bullshit are labeled with being a bully, and other lovely monikers all because some fucktard doesn't have one ounce of reading comprehension. Not my fault that these fucktards failed reading comprehension 101. I hate censorship. I hate not being able to say what needs to be said, or what the fuck I feel needs to be said without some fucking douche jumping on my shit like a fucking fly. So adios Pagan Space for good, and I am not coming back. I will lurk to see what type of "intellectual" discussions are posted(got to love the the in depth discussions about the paranormal, and anti Christian rhetoric). This type of heavy negativity I just don't need, and do not desire.

I am pulling back from a lot of social interactions in the next six months. I need to concentrate on graduating college, getting my novella written, writing entries in my on going short story, catching up on my grimorie, doing the necessary meditations to increase my mind power, get rid of some garbage that I have been carrying for too long, and just enjoy my life. I have a lot of reading, writing, and sending out love(you know who you are) to do.

I am sure that I will come to another crossroads. That is what happens when one works on evolving themselves.

Organized Compartments

2011-06-28T03:45:00.000-04:00

I have studied a wide variety of spiritual traditions. I have learned from each spiritual tradition. What I have also learned that there is a time and a place for every spiritual tradition, and I tend not to mix traditions when I am performing a ritual, or even doing spellwork.

I have said this before that my core spiritual tradition is hoodoo. Although, I still read a lot of Buddhist, and Hindu texts. My meditations are of my own creation, but stem from Buddhism. I have learned some great information about British Tradition Witchcraft(which is not wicca). I have also learn a great deal about wicca. The point is that I don't mix and match. I know of people who do, and that is their spiritual business, not mine.

Every time I learn about a different spiritual philosophy, or tradition that philosophy or tradition gets its own little compartment. I have plenty of compartments, but I have tons of room for more compartments.

The Watering Down of Celebrations

2011-06-25T22:14:00.000-04:00

I am not big into celebrating so called "pagan" holidays. The reason for this is because I think that many of these celebrations have become watered down versions of what they were once, and since the unholy marriage of new age and paganism occurred these celebrations have become less than what the celebrations were once.

Now, I do not know what the people from the "old days" celebrated. I can only speculate, and do my research on how the summer solstice and other so called pagan holidays were celebrated. From what I know what the majority of pagans celebrate is nothing more that Uncle Gerald's version. I am sure that many pagans have attempted to strip away Uncle Gerald's influence on pagan holidays, but the influence is still there(I am using Wicca as the example here. Yes, I am aware that many other pagan traditions celebrate the summer solstice and other "holidays").

There are many cultures that celebrate the summer solstice, and these cultures hold onto traditions that have been handed down, or have attempted to remain as true to the roots of the tradition. Like I said, no one can be certain of what the ancestors did, but one can take a pretty good guess at it, and put their own flair into the tradition.

I don't have an issue with how pagan celebrate and "pagan holiday." What I take issue with is these retarded pagans who think that celebrated a "pagan holiday" is rooted in some old timey tradition, when it really isn't. Sixty or so years is not old timey. I also have to say this that the majority of the "pagan holidays" are made up. Mabon, also known as the autumn equinox is made up. Ostara, in my opinion, is another "pagan holiday" that was created just to fill in the gaps(yes, I am aware that there is a celebration to Esotre, but the majority of pagans do not honor this goddess during the spring equinox).

Samhain, Yule, Imbolc, Beltaine, Summer Solstice, and Lughnasaad are all times that do have some historic significance, and should be celebrated as they are. The turning of the wheel is to be celebrated, and honored. But, let us all be real about this...since new agers have felt the need to infiltrate these times the celebrations have gone down hill. I have taken the turning of the wheel back, and celebrate how I see fit. That is what I expect from pagans who can think for themselves. Celebrate whatever, whenever how you see fit. Understand the turning of the wheel and why it is important to honor the turning of the wheel.

Six Months

2011-06-22T00:21:00.000-04:00

Six months into 2011, and I feel that I have accomplished some of what I set out to accomplish at the beginning of this year.

One of those goals was to find a job to help out with the family fiances. I had been going on three years without a job, and I knew that I needed to get my ass back out into the job market. I got a job within the first month of 2011. Now, all I need to do is tighten my financial belt straps even more, and not spend my money needlessly. I also need to find employment that can and will sustain me, and pay all of my bills. That financial goal has yet to come to fruition, but I know that it will. I also need to take care of an 11 year old court case, which will have to be put off until next year. I don't have the finances right not for a lawyer, but this is one of the reasons why I need to save my money.

I made some lofty spiritual goals this year, and I plan on sticking to these spiritual goals. One of these goals is to take the correspondence course through Lucky Mojo, and complete this. I have written about this before, but I need to mention it for myself. I know that this correspondence course is necessary for me to understand Hoodoo better, and to understand why I have been pulled towards root work.

Another one of my spiritual goals is to finish my pathworking, and lay to rest the demons that have been tormenting me for too long. I have allowed these demons to fuck with me, and I am putting my foot down upon their neck. Along with the pathwork, I also plan on doing many of the exercises at Magicka School, that I never did while attending this school. Meditation exercises, spellwork exercises, and just exercises for my brain. I need to do these exercises.

I plan on incorporating yoga once again, into my life. When I practiced yoga, oh so many years ago, it helped me with my mental disorders, and it strengthened my body, mind, and spirit.

I have many books that I need to read, and I plan on finishing a few that have been on my coffee table for too long. I also plan on reading a book a month, or maybe more than one. But, the goal is one book a month.

I have been lazy when it comes to my writing, and this needs to change. I have my spell crafting book that needs to be written in. My novella of six years needs to be completed. My blogs need my attention. Not to mention my college homework that has to be done.

My social interactions are going to be few and far between for the next six months. I want to see how much I can accomplish by the Winter Solstice. Work, college, home, writing, spiritual work, and reading. I think I have a full plate for the next six months.

The Mental Refuge

2011-06-17T01:43:00.000-04:00

There is this place that I go to when the reality of my fucked up life just gets too much. This place is an actual place that I have visited, and this place is Chambers Island.

Chambers Island is located in Lake Michigan off of the Door County Peninsula. I fell in love with this island the moment that my feet landed upon the ground.

The first time that I walked upon Chambers Island, I saw a run down Jesuit retreat, and I thought to myself "I could live here." This idea of renovating, and living at the old Jesuit retreat planted the mental seed that I would go to many times when I need to retreat from the bombs of reality.

My mental refuge of the Jesuit retreat has it as a self sufficient, self reliant oasis away from the world. I am an independent woman who supports herself with her writing, and her other creative talents. My mental refuge has me gardening, and living off of the land that I live upon. I have limited human contact, and when I do have this contact it is to sell my wares, so I can have the existence that I have always wanted. This is my mental refuge. One of many...yes I have various places that I allow my mind to go to when the shit just gets too much for me. I need these places, and I do understand that they are just mental refuges. Without these mental refuges I would be nothing more than a fucking drooler banging my head in the corner.

These mental utopias give me a goal to aim for. I want to be the woman in these utopian refuges. The only way that I can be this woman is by working my ass off, because nothing is handed to a person who sits on their ass expecting the world to hand them an advancement for a book, or an article. I plug away at my writing, and I need to be more dedicated to it, and I also need to be more proactive in finding avenues for publishing. Hell, if I have too I will create my own publishing company.

Mental refuge is the necessary evil for me. Yes, I do need to escape sometimes, and day dreaming that I am somewhere else that has none of the fucking worries that I have is a treat. No mental illness. No ex boyfriend who refuses to sign legal papers to release me from a debt that should have never existed. No mother who just doesn't give a shit. No responsibilities but to myself. The reality is that I have to manage and deal with all of this shit. I will manage, survive, and rise above.

Passages

2011-06-07T22:47:00.000-04:00

There have been many passages that I have walked through, been down, and have stood at the threshold.

I walked through a unique passage three years ago, and though the walk within this passage has been one fuck of a hard journey, I am thrilled that I was brave enough to finally take this much needed walk.

For too long I have allowed my demons, and the shadows of my past to dominate my life. I am beginning to become aware that my past, my present, and my future are all intertwined. A bit of quantum physics, and a bit of the divine smacking me upside my thick head.

In order for me to accomplish my spell writing, my mental state has to be in a "right" frame. With a mental disorder, it is difficult to maintain that "right" frame of mind, but I know that I am able to do so. I have done it before, and I know I can achieve that place once again. Meditations, pathworking, and writing will be the stepping stones to that "right" place. I have a notebook that has not been written in since October of last year, because I need to set some past issues straight before embarking on spell crafting. Yes, it has taken me eight months, and it may take me longer to quite the demons. I think that I am at a place where I can write out the basics, and starting points of spell crafting. The details may have to wait, but I know that I can start writing about what spell crafting means to me.

Epiphany

2011-06-04T14:19:00.000-04:00

I went on vacation for four days, with the SGF's mother. For three years, I have gotten to know the SGF's parents, and to be honest, revelations don't even cover the conclusions that I have come too. I will get back the the vacation, and how this time with the SGF's mother changed my perception of her.

First, the SGF's father is a typical, born in the 1940's raised in the 1950's male. Go the college, get married, buy a house, and have a family. The SGF's father was never there for the SGF, because the SGF's father was working to support the family. Gone on business trips, and just did not have the time for the SGF. Mommy raised the SGF, and that is evident even today. The SGF is an only child, and yes that is evident also(the SGF does not act like the typical only child..all the time, but some of the time the only child syndrome rears its ugly little head). The SGF's father does not think that the SGF is capable of fixing machines(even though this is what the SGF does for a living, along with other things). The SGF's father cuts the SGF down any chance that the SGF's father can get, and the SGF's father attempts to do this to me also. Jealous sprouts its head, and I can sense it when I am around the SGF's father. Not my problem that the SGF's father never learned to fix ANYTHING. The SGF's father is your typical upper class white male who thinks that blue collar work is beneath him. Too bad that is what his son, the SGF, is, and that is what I am. Sometimes, I feel like a slave when I am around the SGF's father. The SGF's father KNOWS EVERYTHING! *snorts.

I don't like the SGF's father. I don't like being around him. I just don't like the "I am better than you attitude" that the SGF's father radiates from him like plutonium.

Now, onto the SGF's mother. I really gave her a chance. I did. I appreciate everything that this woman has done for me, and the SGF. But, there is nothing I have in common with this woman, and this has driven a wedge between me an her now. She just doesn't know it.

The SGF's mother grew up poor, from what she tells me, but the more I hear about her life, from her mouth, I think "no you didn't grow up as poor as you let on." She didn't have a lot, but growing up with parents who went through the Great Depression, there is an attitude that is instilled upon the children. I know this from my own mother. The SGF's mother was not dirt assed poor, like my mother was. The SGF's mother was the youngest child, which once again is very apparent. She was and still is a spoiled rotten brat.

The SGF's mother went to college to become a nurse, which didn't seem to last very long, actually being a nurse that is. The SGF was born, and she didn't really go back to work. But, before that she hooked the SGF's father. I think she knew that this man was going to make one hell of a living, which he has, and I think she had the foresight to know that the SGF's father was going to take care of her for the rest of her life.

The SGF's mother also has a lot of medical problems that stem from not eating properly as a child, because she could get away with anything. The SGF's mother's medical problems seem to be able to be cured easily, but she refuses to do certain things to prevent becoming sick. She still smokes, and has horrible asthma. She has to have nebulizer treatments twice or more a day. She puffs on an inhaler more than she should. She has chronic infections that if she would do what she needs to do would be gone. I mean come the fuck on who has ever heard of an ear infection lasting 20 fucking years.

She doesn't have an immune problem. She has a lifestyle problem that she will never change, and it will kill her. She will drown in her own lung fluid(respiratory failure). She has no energy, because she never eats, and when she does eat it is shit food with no nutrition. Her doctors are manipulated by her, and do not stand up to her, and tell her, "you need to stop smoking, and you need to eat better, or you will be dead within 5 years." This is why she will never change her doctors, because a new doctor means that she can't manipulate them. Once again, she is a spoiled brat, and everyone is to cater to her needs instead of doctors, especially, sitting her down and giving her the reality check that she needs.

This is her life, and I am done giving two shits about it. If she doesn't care about her life, neither will I. Eat what you want. Smoke what you want. Be in unnecessary pain. Be on all types of drugs, and antibiotics that don't do a damn thing for you. Don't bother with trying something completely different to see if that will help. It is 2011, and there are many treatments out there for pain management, and infections, but she won't even bother. Talk about being stuck in a rut. But, it is her life.

I can't be around her, nor her husband(the SGF's father). I understand now why the SGF keeps his distance from his parents. I am glad that it has only taken me 3 years to come to this conclusion. Oh, also, in regards to the SGF's mother. She does not dictate to me when I will get married to her son. She will NOT dictate to me about a possible marriage to her son. The SGF and I will get married when we see fit, not when anyone else sees fit. If the SGF and I don't get married that is our choice. It is also her choice to buy her son, and I things, or give us money. I don't pressure her. I would rather not have her buy anything for me, or her son. I want to do it on my own, but I am not going to argue with her either. I don't have the energy, time, or patience to deal with the SGF's mother anymore.

Failed Attempt

2011-05-31T22:08:00.000-04:00

For three years now, I have attempted to be friends with a close friend, and now his wife of the SGF. It is not easy for me to make friends, and I am not having a pity party, because of that fact. My issue is that while I have extended the hand of friendship, these individuals only want to be friends on their terms. At least this is the perception that I am taking on this.

In the three years that I have been with the SGF, these individuals, who are supposed to be such good friends of the SGF, have only come to visit the SGF and me twice. These two are not that busy, and I know that their kids(the male has two kids from a previous marriage) are at their mom's house every other weekend. I also know that the SGF works weekends, but he is home now at a decent time. Another issue that perplexes me is that why don't they come up and visit with me until the SGF gets home? I think I am more bothered by these two individuals because the SGF doesn't see what they are doing. They use the SGF when they need to use either one of our trucks, or when these individuals want to act like real friends to the SGF. Smells like fair weathered friends to me.

I pissed them off I am sure by some of the comments that I make(I am not a big fan of Odinists, and the male is a big time Odinist). I am honest, and blunt. I really don't care who the fuck you think you are, and how smart you think you are. I tell you how I think it is.

It pisses me off to no avail when these individuals act like my friend to my face, but yet make no effort to really be a friend, to either the SGF, who really matters here, or me. No person is that fucking busy. I am not bothered at the lack of effort towards me. I am more bothered by the lack of effort by them. At least the SGF makes an effort to see them once in a blue moon when he is not backed up like a toilet at work. At least the SGF e-mails both of these individuals to make sure that they are still alive. He is lucky to get an e-mail back from the male friend. The female, the wife of the male friend, does e-mail the SGF in a timely manner. Oh, and speaking of that, my last attempt at extending the hand of friendship to the female was an epic fail. She never even responded to my e-mail, and that was at least 2 months ago now, all the while she responses to the SGF. Yep. I know when a person doesn't want to talk to me, or have me "bother" them. I can dig, and vacate the building. To be honest, I am more than happy never to see either one of these individuals again. They are th SGF's friends...not mine, and I don't see me going to one of these individual's gatherings at their home anytime soon.

I am very content with being up at my mountain home alone sometimes. I am very content with walking down Church Street in Burlington, VT by myself (even though I do have a friend that I can hang with when I am in Burlington). I extend the hand of friendship not because I have too, but because I think that the person would be fun to hang out with and do shit with. I have no female friends close to me, and yeah I would like to do girly things with a female friend(even though I do have a gay friend, but it is not the same). Alas, I manage, but it still sucks at times not having a girlfriend closer.

7:42am Wednesday Morning May 18th 2011....and the hamster just took a hit off the crack pipe.

2011-05-18T07:55:00.000-04:00

I have been up since 5 yesterday afternoon, and I can't seem to make the hamster stop running. I work at night, and it doesn't bother me to be up all night. I prefer to be up all night. It is when I can't go to sleep when I normally do that I take an issue with this fucking hamster.

My mind is racing, and it has been racing for quite some time now. My stomach feels like I have an ulcer. My brain hamster won't stop running. My emotions are all over the fucking place, and my paranoia has hit the red line. I need to hit the wall, and soon. Just to make all of this fuckedupness stop.

I am tired of trying to figure out people, and situations. I wish the saying "no man is an island" was not true, because I want to be a fucking tropical island now...right now. I am tired of waiting for people to step up and take some sort of responsibility for being in my life. I am not the most easy person to deal with let alone have any type of relationship with. I really don't know anymore, and I am strangely comfortable with that idea. What I do know is that my writing, reading, college, spiritual practice, and the things I used to do are taking a hit, because of my fuckedupness. That is going to, and is changing.

I will be alright
This is just a phase, and it will pass
It isn't a phase it is life...my fucked up life
No need to sugar coat, cause the sugar has been washed away
I will be alright
I have to be
It is only me

Thanks Mom

2011-05-14T23:20:00.000-04:00

*disclaimer I do not have a relationship with my egg donor. This is NOT going to be an entry that is full of love, and light. It is a cathartic entry that I have had to write for years, but I am now ready to write it. Also, this entry is not a pity party entry either. It is the reality of a non existent relationship that never existed.*

Thank you mom for the life lessons that were taught to me. These life lessons I was not prepared for, and I thank you for not playing a part in the preparation for the life that you gave birth too in 1975.

Thank you mom for turning your back for four years while one of your sons sodomized, and raped your four year old daughter. It wasn't until your daughter, me, was the ripe old age of eight that I stood up for myself, and fought for herself. That, and your son found a girlfriend.

Thank you mom for showing me how a woman acts around, and reacts to men. Your fourth marriage was not for your children. It was for you. The husband that you chose made your daughters into slaves, and treated your children like they were burdens, but then again I know all I was...was a burden, to you.

Thank you mom for using the excuse that you had to work so much for not being there. You could have stood up and went to court to demand the child support that was coming to you, but you were too passive towards your ex husbands..the fathers of your children. This includes my father. You were bullied, and you used that to guilt me into thinking that you were providing for me. But, the reality of it was you were just selfish. You didn't want to deal with me.

Thank you mom for standing up for me when my father died. Thank you so much for once again being a weak willed woman, and not defending a 13 year old child. Thank you for not seeing the signs of mental illness, and not getting me the care that I needed. Thank you for failing me once again.

Thank you mom for allowing a man, specifically my volleyball coach, to run rough shot over me, and treat me like I was the lowest form of filth. For, four years I had to deal with the idea that I was a horrible volleyball player, when I could run circles around the so called talent that was on that volleyball team. Thank you mom for the lack of support. Thank you mom for saying to me to "suck it up" when I would come home crying because of what this man said, or did to me. Thank you mom for you turning your back on me during my entire high school years. I really appreciate this.

Thank you mom for making me go and live with my sister, and her stuck up snobby fucking husband. Thank you mom for always protecting your precious other daughter while allowing me to fend for myself. You played favorites, and it is still obvious. She did what you wanted her to do, and I did what I thought was right for me. Since, I really never had any direction, I had to figure out what was right for me on my own. Living with my sister was a valuable lesson that I still remember to this day. This is one of the reasons why my sister and I do not talk with each other, and why we haven't seen each other in 14 years. My sister and I were never going to love or even like each other. We were two different people. Drastically different. I was a better athlete and academic, and big sister couldn't deal with that fact. Nor, could you mom. You didn't like the fact that little sister daughter was better, and this is why I never receive that precious support that I needed when I was a teenager.

Thank you mom for acting like a Nazi when I came home pregnant at the age of 20. Thank you so much for not listening to me when I was saying that I was not ready to be a mother. Thank you for denying the idea that your daughter, me, did not want to be a mom. You pressured me into be a mother, and I hate you for that. My son deserved better than me. He deserved better than his drug addicted, and drunken father. But, you wouldn't listen. Once again, you did not support me. You forced me into going to college, which I really didn't mind, but I had to make sure that I scheduled everything around your life. You made the decision to allow me to come home. You could have told me to stay in Georgia, but you didn't. You attempted to force me to go back to Georgia and marry my son's father. At least I stood up to you at that time, and said "no." But, I still was not ready to be a mother. It was all a facade. All a fucking idealistic idea. The reality of it was that my son should have been given up for adoption, but you couldn't deal with that type of shame could you? Cause, it was all about you, and still is all about you.

Thanks mom for turning your back on me, once again...seems to be a pattern with you, when I was pregnant, yet again, and being abused. But, mostly thank you for kicking me out of your house when I made a mistake(leaving my son for two weeks in your care), and taking custody of my son, for two and a half years. I wasn't on drugs. I was taking care of my son the best way that I knew how. I ran. I was scared, but you didn't care. You took my son away from me, and I think that was what you wanted to happen. I think you didn't want me to raise this child, and you thought I was toxic for my son. I tried to be a mother, but I warned you, and you never listened. You turned your back on me, and at least I made the right decision for my daughter. I didn't want her to come into a life that was surrounded with vitriol, and deceit. She has a chance at life, because I am not apart of her life, but neither are you. That burns you up, and I do enjoy that idea.

Thanks mom for giving my son to a drug addict and a drunkard without even considering the repercussions of that action. Twelve years later and I am still fighting for my rights, and for the secession of child support to this child, because his father does not want money from me. Thank you mom for not going through the right channels back in 1999, and screwing me over legally. Thank you mom for being manipulated by a retard with an eight grade education. You really are stupid mom.

Thank you mom for removing yourself from my life during my twenties, when I needed you the most. I needed your support and love, which you would not give because of decisions I made. Thank you mom for continuing to attempt to burn me at the stake for these decisions. Thank you mom for washing your hands clean, and not owning up to your own responsibility. You are a shining example of what not to be.

Most of all mom, thank you for all of what you have done, and what you have not done. I would not be the woman today. I am stronger. I have more confidence. I have realized that I do not need your approval, nor your love. I have come to understand that you are nothing more than an egg donor, and that you will deny everything that I have accused you of, or say that I need to "get over it." Believe me mom, I have gotten over it, and over you. I have no emotions. No love. Nothing. I was the back up daughter whom you never loved. You have your daughter, and you are happy with that idea.

I have spent the last three years fixing my life, and doing what I need to do to be the woman that I know that I can be. Mom, you have no part in my life now. You do not get to take credit for what I am doing now. You do not get to be proud of me, because I am being a responsible woman. You do not get to revel in the idea that your daughter is going to receive a bachelor's degree, nor do you get to revel in the idea that your daughter has already receive an associate's degree. You don't get to be happy for me because my life is quasi normal. I am nothing to you.

I have survived you mom. I am not in prison, or in a mental institution. I am not in an abusive relationship. I am not swimming in the pity party pool either. I don't blame you mom. I don't feel anything for you. I thank you for your lack of participation in my life, because I have figured it out on my own. I have had other individuals help me along the way. Some good. Some bad. But, I have learned from each experience. As a 35 year old woman I am further along than you were at this age, and that makes me smile. I am more successful than you, or big sister daughter. I don't care if she has a family, and has raised her children. I don't care if she "did the right thing" by marrying her worthless husband, and creating a family, and life. She is not me, and I am not her. That is one thing you never understood mom. You wanted me to be her, and that was not going to work. I am done, and I have been done with being compared with big sister daughter. I hate her, and not for the reasons that you think mom. I hate her because you created the division between us. I hate her because she has been manipulated all of these years. I hate her because she never heard my side of the story, and made a judgement call when she didn't have all of the information. I hate her because she was never a sister to me. It makes it hard to be a sister to her, when she was not available to be a sister to me. The hate that I have for my sister has developed into no emotions for her. It is the purest hate that I can muster.

I have no regrets mom. I have no guilt. I have taken the responsibility for my life, and the decisions that I have made. This makes me better than you, and the rest of my so called blood family.

Beltane Ashes

2011-05-06T15:30:00.000-04:00

Yes. I am well aware that Beltane was last Sunday, and I know that I am late, according to some rigid assholes, with talking about Beltane. But, in my world, Beltane is celebrated all during the merry month of May. So suck it, for all of those rigid traditionalists.

Beltane. The horny holiday of pagans. A day that gives some pagans the excuse to fuck anything that walks, since it is Beltane after all.

Beltane celebrates the union between the god and the goddess. Fertility at its finest. Bonfires are lit to bless the land and animals with fertility, and to welcome the warmth of spring. But, most pagans look at Beltane as one big fuck fest.

I don't look at Beltane as the majority of paganism does..go figure. Yes, Beltane is a fertility holiday, and I honor that aspect by planting seeds, and plants. I had a bonfire, and honored the horned god, the green man, and the goddess. Beltane is also a day that the veil between the worlds is once again thin(Summer Solstice, and Samhain are the other two). I honored my ancestors on Beltane also. I thanked them for their guidance, protected, and wisdom(both blood and spirit ancestors were honored).

No, I did not fuck my boyfriend. I felt no need to do so just because it was Beltane. I swear some pagans will give any excuse just to either stick their cock in someone or spread their legs for said cock. I am not a prude, but I look at sex through the eyes of a peri-menopausal 35 year old woman. I love having sex with my boyfriend. I love it when he kisses me, and hugs me. I love just being near him. Intimacy does not equal fucking. I think I do Beltane justice by honoring the love that my boyfriend and I have.

To those who like to have random sex, kudos to you, because I used to do the same thing. Just don't use Beltane as the excuse to get yourself some cock or pussy. Be honest with yourself, and that person that you are going to have casual sex with. Communicate the need, do the deed, be polite(or not polite if the sex sucked), and part ways.

Is It Any Wonder

2011-04-28T15:59:00.000-04:00

I really don't need to wonder, pontificate, think, or even waste my two brain cells on why I don't interact, with humanity, like I once did.

In my younger days, I did give a shit about what complete strangers thought of me. Why? Because, I was one insecure motherfucker. I needed approval. I needed attention. I just needed. I don't need anymore.

What I want is to just write. Write. Write. Write. I just want to seal myself up in my home, and not have any interactions with human beings who are not apart of my inner sanctum. Then the other side of my brain kicks in and says "how fucking boring would that be?" Very boring, and I suck it up and deal with my own psychosis when it comes to humanity. I retreat when necessary, and I come back to the land of the living when I need to be re-charged.

The Internet has changed how I interact with humans. I can interact with anyone in the world, through this wonderful computer, and along the cyber lines. But, I also need to have human contact. I need to talk one on one with people. I know that goes against the misanthrope mantra, but I do tolerate .05% of the human population.

I am a social creature on my own terms. If I do not want to be social I withdraw, which I feel myself doing more and more these days. If I make the choice to be a social butterfly, I reach out. Mostly though I just don't give a fuck.

A Heaping Pile of Doodie

2011-03-27T01:23:00.000-04:00

I really am doing my part to ignore the retarded and ridiculous. I came across a discussion that the tone of this discussion was is it my duty to inform, or educate the pagan community about my spiritual practice. Simple answer to this quandry....no.

It is not my duty to educate anyone about a spiritual practice that I have created out of the ashes of other spiritual practices. It is not my duty to inform these same people. If a person has questions, I answer them. It is not my fucking duty to bring people into my flock. Those who ask me questions will be given answers, but it won't go any further than that.

The spiritual practice that I have formed is difficult for others to follow, because I gave birth to it. I encourage others to create their own spiritual practice, and find mentors to help them along. This is what I have done, and I have some wonderful mentors. No. I am not even in the realm of being a mentor, so don't ask.

I do not think that any person has a duty, unless they make it one, to educate, and to inform others about their particular spiritual tradition. I detest general broad sweeping generalizations, and expectations. Detest!

The Gods of Spring

2011-03-22T05:25:00.000-04:00

Cernunnos, the god of the forest, and all that dwell there. It is hard for me not to take notice of Cernunnos. While many pagans lean towards Herne, or other gods of the forest, Cernunnos was the one who crashed down my door. Just goes to show all of you that different gods and goddess appear to each of us.

The gods tend to be forgotten, during Sabbats. They get some recognition, but not on the level that I would like to see. My theory on why the gods of spring don't receive the attention that they deserve is because "god" has such a Abrahamic connotation. That is my theory.

Cernunnos is one of these gods that once he has a hold of you doesn't let go, and makes sure that you know that he is there. The forest comes alive this time of year, and his call is heard. It is amazing to stand out in the forest, and just listen. I am surrounded by 5 acres of forest, and Cernunnos' breath can be felt.

Another god, or nature spirit that tends to be forgotten, once the spring equinox and Beltaine are celebrated is the Green Man.

The Green Man has many faces, and many forms. The Green Man takes on the form of the god of fertility, in my own spiritual tradition. The Green Man is Freyr, the Norse god of fertility, to me.

Freyr brings forth life, along with the goddess of the earth. These two forces aid me, when I am able to plant seeds, and vegetation. My theory, once again, is without both forces, my land become barren. The Green Man, Freyr, is the spirit of vegetation, and he is a much needed force.

I understand why the goddess receives so much attention. She is the center of many celebrations, but the god head is just as important, in my opinion(by the way this is not a dig on Dianic Wicca, or any goddess center spirituality...each spiritual path has their own ideas).

One of my spiritual goals, this year, is to focus, research, and educate myself on the god aspects. I also plan on becoming a bit more spiritually close to the gods who have busted down my own spiritual door.

The Far Reaching Beyond

2011-03-04T05:20:00.000-05:00

I am a second degree Wiccan.....*waits for all of you to pick yourselves up from the floor.* You read that right. I am a second degree Wiccan(not through the Firefly Academy either, which their first degree Wiccan program is not even a year, and their entire Wiccan program is less than a fucking year) through the online Wiccan school named Magicka School. This school is physically located, in Tuscany, and their first degree Wiccan is a full year, and their second degree is also a full year(they do NOT teach a third degree because they believe that YOU need to move forward, and find a coven, if you so desire, or stay a solitary). I am a paid member(which at the time was 50 dollars, for a lifetime membership, and I also have access to other classes...50 dollars people, for a plethora of knowledge!)

The reason why I am giving a bit of a history here is because, while listening to the recent "Infinite and Beyond" podcast, where Chris Orapello dissected Wicca, Chris made a very good point. That point is what is the goal of Wicca? The goal of Christianity is that a Christian will go to heaven. The goal of Buddhism is enlightenment. But, what is the goal of Wicca? This question has never been answer, or I think, that it hasn't even been addressed.

Chris went on to say is the goal of Wicca to die, reincarnate, and then come back again and do this all over?(I am paraphrasing here...if you want to listen to the entire podcast, just click on the "Infinite and Beyond" link above...I recommend that you do). I really hope that is not the goal of Wicca, in my opinion.

This is what I think that Wicca should strive to be:

Wiccans should strive to place more of a focus on education. All types of education, but specifically areas of history, anthropology, archeology, and religious studies.
Wiccans should understand that it is a religion, and that there are denominations within the religion(a bit like Christianity, and there is nothing wrong with that).

Wiccans are solitary, eclectic, and traditional. But, at the core, they all think the same way.

I am not a practicing Wiccan, but there are tangents of Wicca that I do adhere too, just like I adhere to some of my Christian tangents. I am an irreligious person, and I don't claim to belong to any type of religion. I don't look at religion as a horrible thing, but I do look at some individuals who are religious as horrible beings.

Wicca is a young religion, and there are many things that they, as a religion, need to work out. I am sure that, in time, that Wicca will realize their goals.

No Universal Truth

2011-02-16T00:06:00.000-05:00

I do not think that there is a universal truth, in any spiritual philosophy. What I do think is that each human being has their own unique idea of what is true, to them, when it comes to their own personal spiritual philosophy. The issue that I have is when an individual says that their personal spiritual truth is universal, and that every pagan, witch, and in between MUST follow this individual's personal truth. Just because a book says something does not make it so, no matter what that book entails.

Each one of us takes something different away from books(it really doesn't matter what book I am talking about here). There may be some agreement, but each human being processes information differently, and will come, hopefully, to their own conclusion, of what the writer is attempting to convey. This does not make it a universal truth, because in my opinion, once again this does not exist.

What works for one does not mean it will work for the collective. I have little tolerance for individuals who are so rigid, in their spiritual philosophy, that they can not even entertain any other opinions. This is why I think that many covens dissolve. There is just too much rigid thoughts going on.

Don't believe everything that you read is a mantra that I hold dear to my black heart. Don't believe everything that you hear. Read, think, then decide for yourself.

Beyond Purification

2011-02-01T22:53:00.000-05:00

February starts the month of purification, in my spiritual tradition, of my own creation. Not only does February give us Imbolc, but also Lupercalia. I honor both. Both are a form of purification.

In my humble opinion, Imbloc helps me start to shake off what has become stagnant during the winter months. Imbolc also reminds me of what goals I started out with at Samhain, and also at Yule. Imbolc, for me, is that last push to become determined, and focused on my goals for the witch year, and Gregorian year.

Lupercalia, for me, is more of a purification of the bullshit that I no longer wish to hold onto. Who ever knew that it would be so hard to rid oneself of habits, places, and things that no longer serve a purpose for you? Habitual behaviors, in my once again humble opinion are what keep me from reaching my full potential. I am casting these old tired habits off to the side, burning, and whipping them into submission!

I am a bit bothered by how Imbolc is viewed by those who have really no clue what this cross quarter Celtic holiday means. Imbolc is to be celebrated the 28 days of February. It is to honor Bridget, the goddess of the home, the hearth, healing, and creativity. Bridget is my guardian of my home, and I honor her everyday, but Imbolc is special for me, because Bridget tends to make herself know more this day, and during the month of February. At least she does this in my home. :-) Imbolc is not just another fire festival, to me, and I am irritated by those who just dance around the bonfire, without any clue. But, who am I to say what is right or wrong....wait, I wasn't. :-) These are just my own issues, and I own them.

For some Imbolc is a day that comes and goes. For others it is an excuse to play witch. For me, it is sacred.

What I Belie....Think

2011-01-26T14:57:00.000-05:00

"I've got twelve disciples and a Buddha smile
Garden of Allah, Viking Valhalla
A miracle once in a while

I've got a pantheon of animals in a pagan soul
Vishnu and Gaia, Aztec and Maya
Dance around my totem pole
Totem pole...

I believe in what I see
I believe in what I hear
I believe that what I'm feeling
Changes how the world appears"*Totem-Rush

I was asked, yesterday, quite rudely, what I believed in. Actually, it went like this "WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN, ALIS!?"(Alis Volat Propiis, is a moniker I use). I didn't answer this person, because she wouldn't have understood, nor was this question anything to do with the main discussion.

I will address this question out, on my blog though. :-) I don't believe..I think. These are my own personal experiences(which we all know can't be proven or disproved that is why it is called personal experiences). This is what I think:

I am a panentheist. I think that the divine energy is in everything, and everything is of the divine. Notice, I did not use god or goddess here. I used the word divine. I use this generic term, even though I do use the word god and goddess when I specifically talk about gods and goddesses. Yes, this does mean that I think that the divine is in rocks, trees, the soil, animals, the grass, and everything in between.
I am an agnostic. I am not arrogant enough to think I know how the universe was created, nor am I arrogant enough to think that I know what happens when my body shits out on me, and I am burned on a funeral pyre. I don't know if the conscience stops, or not. I don't know if I become a part of the aether or not. I am not afraid to say I DON'T KNOW.
I am a root worker, and a conjurer. I am learning more and more about Hoodoo everyday.
I am a keeper of my ancestors. I do this by ancestral veneration.
I am an irreligious person. I am anti-dogma.
I am a witch. No frills. No making no outlandish claims. I am just a witch.
I am a spell crafter
I am a divinare
I think that all spiritual philosophies are valid, as long as you can explain, without me snorting with laughter.
I think that if pagans were to admit that what they think is modern, and not some ancient idea, I would get along with them better.
I think that there needs to be more study, and less tomfuckery
I think that a smart witch will study and then put what he or she has learned into practical use.
I think that a lot of pagans get stuck on the terms "white lighter," and "dark arts."
I am an occultist
I am a practitioner of the "dark arts."
I think that the "otherkin" are nothing more than individuals who can't distinguish between reality and fantasy.

Lesson over.

GTFO!!!!!!

2011-01-26T11:38:00.000-05:00

I had the time of my life yesterday, and early this morning, participating in a discussion about Celtic traditions. During this "discussion," out in PaganSpace, the resident fucktard, who believes that she is the end all be all of everything Celtic, chimed in with her plethora of personal experiences that, of course, can not be proven, because they are what class.........that is right UP fucking G's. I had to set this blog up a bit, by explaining where I am coming from before I get into the meaty heart of this blog entry. For a reference point, if you can handle your IQ going down about 100 points, here is the discussion that sparked this blog, and a blog entry yesterday, in my other blogspot blog: That's Not Celtic

You will noticed that the pages have increased with stupidity, and I don't ask you to read all of it just page, roughly 10 through whatever it is on at this point. This is voluntary, and I wouldn't ask you to put yourself through losing brain cells.

Alright. Onto the point of this blog.

From my understanding, a community, let us say, back during the Medieval times, didn't tolerate lying, or misrepresentations of oneself. When a community member(the type of communities I am talking about are small rural Medieval communities where being honest, and having honor were vital)was dishonest, or misrepresented themselves, that person was either booted out of the community, to go live on their own, or was killed(depending on the level of the dishonesty, or misrepresentation). The community had to thrive, and was dependent on each other, in order to survive. Lying, and misrepresenting yourself were detrimental to the community. This is all my opinion, so don't fucking rake me over the coals, to hard, for said opinion.

Fast forward to 2011. All of this nonsense of "I honor my ancestors, and I am proud of my heritage" while lying, and misrepresenting said heritage is a slap in the face of all of those who went before the person(CelticLass) e-screaming at the top of her lungs about how she is a Scot, and Irish. If she lived back in her ancestors day(Medieval times) her ass would be booted out of her community. Once again, this is my opinion.

I think that the PaganSpace community should boot her out, for her actions. This is what I think would have been done back during her ancestor's day, and this IS done in modern day covens. If your actions prove to be detrimental to a community, you should no longer belong to said community. This rule does apply in real life situations. By the way, I do know that out on PaganSpace that CelticLass needs to be reported before any action is done against her. Her little Igors would come to her aid, but there are plenty of people out on PaganSpace who are fed the fuck up with her, now going on 4 years, of the same shit, and endless babble.

If she was a part of my real life community, she would have been told to GTFO a long time ago.

*CelticLass is her moniker online...I do know her real name, but I will not place it out here.*

The Deep Dark

2011-01-23T09:09:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the dark abyss
Scared?
Terrified?
One should be
The mirror is looking back, and there is no light
Can't deny
Can't run away
The light is consumed by that dark...that dark
The sound of a raven rings, in the ears
Shakes one to the core
The deep dark surrounds
Is profound
Is devoid of sound
Light does not exist in this deep dark
Deep dark demands to be acknowledged

On The Horizon

2011-01-19T13:09:00.000-05:00

I have a plethora of thoughts making the hamster want to keel over and die, at this very moment.

I have been doing some thinking about the detrimental affects of so called occult experts have, on the pagan community(I am sure that the heathen community suffers from the same aliment). As, with anything that makes me go whiskey, tango, foxtrot, I start asking questions to the aether.

Question one: What makes these so called experts...experts? *insert link number one* Ex detective's occult expertise

Question two: What type of education, whether it be through an academic college, or through doing research, do these so called experts have, to deem them an expert?

Question three: Why do police departments look to these so called experts, instead of looking up someone who is a part of the occult, to help them figure out if a killing is really a ritual killing or not?

These are just a few of the questions that pop up, when I read about so called occult experts helping out a community, or a police department figure out why someone went out and killed, and if it really was a ritual killing.

I have yet to come across ANY so called occult expert who has taken a comparative religion class, or is a psychologist, or psychiatrist. I have yet to see any of these used up douche bags bring forth any credentials, that would deem them worthy of being an occult expert. I have a friend named Sin, who is more of an occult expert than these fuckwits. Can you see that I have no tolerance for cum guzzling cock knockers, who are just saying that they are occult experts for monetary gain? Who says the "Satanic Panic" is dead? Thanks Geraldo! Someone really needs to break your fucking nose again.

These so called experts, of the occult, are dangerous. They are dangerous because they mislead police departments, and the greater community. These used up condoms create panic when there isn't any. They place blame where they shouldn't. Worse of all, they are ill advised, under educated, and have the intelligence of the turd I dropped in the toilet this morning.

If society really wants to know more about the occult, and if police departments really want to be educated about ritual murders.....those of us who know about the occult are out there...call us up.

You Have No Authority Here

2011-01-15T13:30:00.000-05:00

Call it what you will, but when an individual gives his or her opinion, about oh lets say witchcraft being evil or not, and does not clarify that this is purely their opinion, this individual has made a declaration of being, in some sort of authority over said subject. This is where I take issue with said person, on said subject. I should also say that the person who wrote about witchcraft being evil or not is a pagan. Witchcraft Evil or Not This is the link..so take a gander at the blog post, and tell me what you think, or not.

It used to piss me off to no avail when some pagans would push their spiritual authority upon me. I think that these pagans wanted to convert me to their way of thinking, because it was right..in their world. These types of pagans, and don't tell me that they do not exist, just didn't understand that what they think is right, is not what I think is right, spiritually speaking here.

I could go on all day about how the basics of paganism should be simple, but it is not, because once again, some pagan have their heads, in the sand, and ignore historical, anthropological, and archeological evidence, and just basic common sense. Most pagans make it up as they go, while others are quite well read, and are skeptic, as they should be.

It takes a critical mind to wade through all of the new age bullshit, and all of the claims of witchcraft being some "ancient" practice. If a person wants to believe that witchcraft is an "ancient" practice while ignoring historical facts, that is fine. If a person wants to firmly place their feet, into the new age bullshit, that is also fine. But, when talking to the general pagan community, for fucks sake please use the disclaimer that what you are about to say is your opinion, or say "I think" not "I believe."

The Elemental Witch

2011-01-13T12:11:00.000-05:00

In the Western world, there are four elements: earth, air, fire, and water. There is a fifth element, known as either spirit, or aether. It is up to each person, whether or not to acknowledge the fifth element, or not.

It is becoming known to me, that I am an elemental witch, along with being a root worker, and conjurer.

According to the element correspondence, I am Air, and Water, since I was born on the cusp of Libra, and Scorpio. I have always been drawn to water, but yet fearful of water(I am working on this). I have always had this yearning to know more, not to elevate myself, but just to improve myself. I loved to learn about subjects that I have never heard about. Air, and Water fit me well. But, what about Fire, and Earth? I am drawn to these elements also. I don't disregard elements just because they are not a part of my sun sign. All of the elements are important, to me.

There are elementals that are attributed to the elements. These elementals are gnomes(earth), sylphs(airs), salamanders(fire), undines(water). I know that this may sound quite Wiccanish, but the elements know no boundaries.

There is the pull that I have, to the elements, and elementals. This begins another journey for me, and another evolution, in my spiritual practice. This is more than just Wicca 101. It is a personal relationship, with these elements.

I am also going to incorporate the Eastern philosophy of Taoism, and their version of the elements. These elements are; fire, earth metal, water, and wood. If I am going to honor the elements, I am going to incorporate all elements.

A Simple Offering

2011-01-06T16:18:00.000-05:00

I do not have fancy water bowls. I am a practical witch, and I use three white bowls, and two cool looking mugs, that I bought at a garage sale for only 2 bucks. I also have a small sliver chalice that I bought years ago. Those are my vessels for water offerings. The spirits/deities don't mind, so I don't mind.

I started using the small sliver chalice, to house my libation of rum, to a specific spirit/deity. I have noticed that the amount goes down, almost immediately. My witchy side says "the spirits like this." My skeptical side says "evaporation." Even though I do know it is evaporation, I do like to also think that the spirit, who this libation is for, is partaking, in the rum.

My two pottery mugs are placed on my ancestral alter. One holds water, and the other holds non-alcoholic mead, that I make(yeah..I don't care that it is non-alcoholic, and my ancestors don't seem to mind either).

The other water offerings are for my dark goddesses, the temple mother goddess, and for prosperity, fertility, and fortune. Each bowl has a specific blend, for each altar(I have a dark goddess altar, and the other two bowls are on my main altar).

I would have never thought that such a simple offering, as water, could bring such blessings upon my home, my land, and my being.

Burn! (those who don't agree with my opinion) *snorts

2011-01-05T13:23:00.001-05:00

My muse is telling me that I need to expel this little bit of ranting from my brain. I do think I will feel about 30lbs lighter for it.

I love to dig into the brains of humanity. I like to play with these brains, like Playdough. I like to see what I kind of object I can form, out of these brains. Mostly, I like to play with brains. They feel like warm Spaghetti-O's.

I am often confused about how the majority of pagans, who tend to lean to the liberal side of life, have conservative tendencies also. Oh no! I dropped that dreaded word...conservative, and I made it link to the liberal pagan!

Example of this conservative thinking, in the liberal minded pagan world: Ban anything that appears to be "derogatory" towards the pagan community. There was this beer company that placed a label, on its micro-beer, that they make, of a "witch" being burned at the stake. I didn't think much of it, and I thought the label was pretty fucking cool looking. But, noooooo. Some tool, who will remain nameless, went on a neo-conservative rampage(by the way this person also claims to be a left leaning moon bat too). This person wanted the makers of this beer jailed for putting this label, on their beer. That is right..jailed. This liberal moon bat just leaned, big time, to the neo-conservative side of life. I thought that liberals didn't want censorship? I guess I was wrong. *disclaimer: I do not believe that all liberals share the same sentiment as this fucking nut job. From what I have seen, this person is the only one to have this point of view..well, him and his little followers...end of disclaimer*

I found this amusing, how a person who rails against conservatives, is really a closet neo-conservative. That makes me smile a bit..just a bit.

*if anyone wants to take a look at the website, with the "horrible" beer label..here is the website:
Witchs Wit

That Voice That Screams "WTF!?"

2011-01-02T14:57:00.000-05:00

I had an interesting time yesterday, while among individuals who I had nothing in common with. That alone was a realization.

There were various discussions going on, while I was at this gathering yesterday. The conversations ranged from role playing games, to the SCA, to politics, and to religions.

What bothered me, a lot, when people would talk about religions, and other spiritual practices is the vitriol that people had towards Christianity, and towards Satanism.

There was this general consensus that Satanism was not to be even entertained, because it was a form of Christianity. Huh? That voice, in my head, was screaming, at that point, but I couldn't say anything, because I don't talk over people. What these people were talking about was Theistic Satanism, and yes it does exist. At that point, I knew that these individuals had no clue about other forms of Satanism, and I really was in no mood to educate them. It was clear that their minds were already made up, and I was not going to change that(not like I go forth and try to change the minds of anyone). But, it did piss me off a bit. Because, these individuals have such a hatred for Christianity, which is sad all on its own, they dismiss any type of influence that Satanism has. Too each their own, and I leave it at that.

What I really got a kick out of was this disdain for Christianity, and Christmas. I thought to myself "do you all know that Christmas is more pagan that Christian?" Once again that would open up a can of worms I was not willing to open.

I figured it out. I realized that these individuals that I was surrounded by would rather live in a world of role playing, than do the proper research about their set spiritual practice(a lot of these people claim to be heathen..but I didn't see much heathenesque type of behavior yesterday, except for the drinking). Yet, they shit upon other spiritual practices. Once again..to each their own.

Oh, I do have to say, I did find it amusing that a person was trying to school me about the pentacle, and pentagram. I know the difference between the two, and yes, the pentagram is used as a symbol in Satanism. Once again, the lack of education in Occult matters was showing.

I have nothing against these people. They stand firm in what they believe in, and that is fine with me. But, I am not going to stand with them.

An Out of Touch Community

2010-12-30T07:39:00.000-05:00

<---I am going to sick this mother fucking rabbit, on you!!!!

I was just reading the some of the top ten pagan stories of 2010. While, I agree that some of these stories are worthy of being on that list, I have to disagree with some.

For one, the death of anyone is not a top story of any year. In my opinion, this just gives fuel to a fire that should have died when the person did. How many pagans died this year, who were not notable people, and where is their tribute? I will let you ponder that question for awhile.

I am very well aware that not everyone is going to get their 15 minutes of fame, but for fuck's sake, there are just some people, notable or not, who just need to fade away into the aether. Yes, this is my opinion. Share it. Shit on it. Ignore it, if you like.

For two, here is a novel idea, for top ten pagan stories of the year...take a look at those stories that may not of made news. Take a look at pagans who are not so notable. It is easy to do a top ten list of pagan stories for a year, when all you are doing is taking stories out of the news, or taking stories that the pagan community know about. It takes a little bit more effort to dig deeper.

*Sighs* I have come to realize that the neo-pagan, and modern pagan communities are very out of touch. I think that many neo-pagans, and modern pagans get all caught up in their own nonsense, and just don't see the forest for the trees. Then again there are some that do see the forest for the trees. I will be watching, in 2011, and I am hoping that there is some improvement, but I am not holding my breath.

I Am A Level 200 Mage....and I have the banana power of 100!

2010-12-27T10:46:00.000-05:00

I think that the title of this little entry says it all. Yep. I am about to go into a witchy rant about those individuals who really believe that they are the "almighty powerful pagan!" Before I start, make sure that your keyboard is away from your head, and that your palm is ready to hit your face..multiple times.

I think that those who read my blog already know that I have no tolerance for the "playgans" that exist, in the neo-pagan, and modern pagan world. Even though I do not identify with being a pagan, these mother fuckers still bring a sense of stupidity to these worlds.

Combine that with those who make the claim that they have been practicing the Craft since the existence of the dinosaurs, it is no wonder why people like myself distance themselves from the word pagan, and all that word entails.

My tolerance level is even less for those who make claims, like they can raise the dead, that they are fucking werewolves, vampires, faery folk, and blah blah blah. I do not like baseless claims(that goes for every religion) :-) I don't mess with UPG's(if you don't know what that is..look it up). Because, UPG's can not be proven, or disproven. It is something that is unique to the individual. Problem is that those who make the claim that they are a part of the "otherkin" do not clarify, and say that this is a UPG. Some of this fuckers actually believe that they are the said above mythological creatures. *insert facepalm, and headdesk now.*

Another species of people I do not have a high tolerance for, and should have been eaten at birth, are those who think that they are all billy/billie bad ass out in an Internet social forum, or in an Internet chat room. Really folks(this is to these rotten placentas)? Acting like you are all "dark," "mysterious," and "evil" makes you look like the emo child that you really are. Instead of trying to appear to be all billy/billie bad ass, go find a razor, and do what emo children do so well. Oh, and go listen to that emo shit music, while you are digging the razor into your arm. Oh, and do it right will ya.

I can not take any of these examples of "pagans" seriously. If these people make the choice to act the way that they do, they will never achieve what they really want..to be accepted, and respected. Respect is not given..it is earned. These folks want respect given to them on a silver fucking platter. It doesn't work that way, at least in my world.

These people are nothing more than attention whores, and when they get the attention that they want, they will cling onto that vehicle of attention. If a group of people give them the attention that they want, they will not go away. It is pretty simple..don't give them attention. It is like feeding a feral animal. Feed it once, it will always come back.

I let these people just wallow, in their psychosis. Since, it seems to be "cool" to have some sort of mental disorder now. What the fuck has the world come too?

An Atypical Winter Solstice

2010-12-21T14:24:00.000-05:00

I am not a typical witch. I think you, my two readers, have figured this one out by now. I have gone through my own personal evolution. I have gone through my own growth spurt, in regards to my spiritual practice. But, I think that this is what a spiritual practice is all about. I will go through growth spurts, and I will go through spiritual evolutions.

I have thrown out that does not work for me, and I have replaced that void with what does work for me. I get a little irritated with folk who say "if it doesn't work for you..it doesn't work for you, but why criticize it?" It is in my nature to criticize all aspects of life. I do this in a harsh way, at times, and in other times I am not as harsh. It really all depends on the subject matter. I have a hard time dealing with folk who are so indoctrinated that they can not see past their nose. There are more trees in the forest then the ones that these folks see.

Let me take winter solstice as the example here. There are many pagans who are so stuck, in their own rituals, and own traditions, that they do not understand that there are a plethora of traditions out there. Yes, I am aware that many pagans are woefully ignorant, but this doesn't mean that they just go poof. These individuals are the ones who have the loudest, shrieking voices. I am glad that I have ear plugs.

I am of Nordic descent, but I am not an Asatru, nor will I ever be Asatru. I follow certain aspects of the Northern Traditions(which are not Asatru). I enjoy the idea of the Wild Hunt, and of the 12 days of Yule, which, in the tradition that I follow, which is my own, starts today. I do have a Yule log that I have made, and I will burn the candles. I will not stay up and welcome the sun. I will be up early enough to see the sun rise tomorrow. The next 12 days I will do something to improve my physical, mental, emotional, financial, and sexual being. (yes, I do have issues with Asatru....it isn't the religion itself, but those who follow Asatru. I can say this about any religion, to be honest).

I honor the dark goddesses also. I honor the winter gods and goddesses. I honor the mother goddess of my temple also, for she awakens. I honor my ancestors, for without them I would not be here. I honor my life, my friends, and my family. I assess my life, so I may make the next Gregorian year better, not to mention the magical year.

I must repeat this, once again, I do not have any issue with a person who follows their personal spiritual practice. What I do take issue with are those who are so indoctrinated that they a). refuse individuals, like myself b). refuse any other practice c). refuse to see that their logic may be flawed. I do understand that a person will only change if they desire to do so. But, I do not need to associate myself with people as described above either.

Witchy Revelations

2010-12-21T14:06:00.000-05:00

Since I have done a goal list for 2011, I am going to do a list of revelations that I have had during the 2010 year.

*Revelation One: It does not matter to me if a person is a friend of another person, who is the object of my fucked up affection(meaning I am hanging them by their toes), I will criticize, point out behaviors that are completely absurd, and call out bullshit. A good example of this was when I wrote a bit of a scathing blog entry about Isaac Bonewits(see, I didn't say "bonetwits" there). There was a comment from an individual who said "I am a personal friend of Isaac." I thought "what the fuck does that have to do with the price of tea in China?" If Isaac was conning people out of their hard earned money, I am going to say something about it. If Isaac was expecting others to foot his bills, then I am going to say something. Don't like the subject of my blogs, for 1). don't read them, and for 2) remove yourself from following this particular blog. It is really that simple folks.

*Revelation Two: This blog is a subject of my everyday musings. Some entries will focus on my spiritual practice. Some entries will focus on the pagan community. Some entries will be nothing more than rants. Some entries will just be endless rambling. This is what makes up the human being that I call me. If people follow this blog thinking that I am going to give step by step instructions on how to be a root worker, or I am going to give out my trade secrets..you are fucking wrong. I am not like that.

Revelation Three: Boxes do not exist. Stop trying to put me into one(this is for all of those humans who need to conceptualize, and can't grasp the idea that some of us have crushed the boxes that society has attempted to place us in).

Revelation Four: Most pagans, witches, Wiccans, and the like do not want to move past the 101 classes. If these individuals chose to stay that way, fine, but do not attempt to insult, or ridicule those of us who have moved on from the 101 classes. Stop with the "you are not smarter than I" attitude, because I am, because I have made the choice to move beyond the rituals, and into the anthropology, philosophy, archeology, and history of the spiritual practice that I have chosen. If you, those who remain in the 101 state, don't like it when a person like myself corrects you, then for fucks sake, do the research, and quit being so fucking lazy.

Revelation Five: Not all pagan schools, online, are made the same. For two years, I was a part of an online Wiccan school, and needless to say, as I grew, I grew out of this, and I realized how stuck the administrators were. I also realized how cliquish, this particular online Wiccan school was. I wanted no part of it, and I have to say that I am better for it. The quality of teachings, at this school, are lacking, and therefore, the students will walk away learning watered down material. I for one would rather pay for any type of occult studies, than receive it for free. You get what you pay for, and free classes, from my experience, sucked.

Revelation Six: Any one can create their own spiritual path, but don't make this spiritual path so ridiculous that even the gods say "oh hell no." There is this individual on Pagan Space named Puffin, yes like the fucking bird, who has made Lady Ga Ga a goddess. He worshipers her, and not like in the usual obsessed fan worships famous people. Now, I am all for him doing this, but he has no rationale behind it. That, in my opinion, is important. At least if a person asks me to explain my spiritual practice, I can do so, but Puffin can not do this. I am for anyone creating their own spiritual practice, just put some thought into it, and yes, rationale.

Revelation Seven: Something is lacking, in the pagan community. Oh, I know that this revelation has yielded a lot of answers for me. There are so many things that the pagan community lacks, that I just can not list them. I am not a pagan for my own reasons, but the somethings that the pagan community is lacking are the main reasons.

Revelation Eight: Most pagans have lost their connection to the Divine, and to the very thing that they say they worship.

Revelation Nine: Most pagans are nothing more than drama queens and kings.

Revelation Ten: Most pagans are not as loving, caring, and understanding as they like to appear.

*I am the first I am the last. I am the honored. I am the scorned*Battle Hymn-Faith and the Muse.

My To Do List..and a public service annoucement

2010-12-12T11:53:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to remind, anyone who reads this blog, that this blog is full of my own opinions, ideas, and musings, hence the title having the word "musings" in it. I do not mind other points of view, or opinions, but since I am not giving out advice(if it seems that I am, I am clarifying right now, that I am not), I really do not feel it necessary for anyone else to hand me advice on a sliver platter, especially from individuals who can even bother giving a name, and must hide under the guise of anonymous.

I also wanted to say that if you do not understand what I am talking about, then don't be coy about it, just ask me, and I will explain. By the way tangents means guidelines(that is how I interpret the word "tangent", but I may be wrong with that line of thinking). This ends my brief public service announcement. Now onto the 2011 "to do" list.

My To Do List for 2011:
1). Take the correspondence course for Hoodoo through Lucky Mojo
2). Educate myself about Voodoo(I am going to buy "Serpent and the Rainbow, the book, and read, inquire, and pick the brains of those who practice Voodoo).
3). I am going to start making my own oils
4). I am going to focus more on spell crafting, and meditations
5). I am going to break that box thinking that I can not do something, when I know good goddamn well that I can.
6). I am going to brush up on my Spanish(this is just the first language that I am going to learn..since I have taken Spanish before, I need to brush up, and become an expert speaker, and reader).
7). I am going to learn a different culture, each month, so that means that I will learn about 12 different cultures, plus where my ancestors came from.
8). I am going to learn more about the folktales, here in the United States.
9). I am going to keep in touch with those who mean the most to me, and I am going to expand my comfort zone, and talk with people who I think intimidate me.
10). I am not going to entertain fools, or those who just want to incite a riot.

I think that this is a good list to start..right now.

What Is Heaven To You(if you believe in that type of thing)?

2010-12-10T10:40:00.000-05:00

*You're a constipator, Peanut. You disturb my shit, and that's annoying.*

I am a big fan of the show "Dead Like Me." The snarky dialogue, and just the premise of the show was just...epic. It was disappointing that this show was only one season.

I really enjoyed how, once the people were dead, the idea of "heaven" was addressed. There was not the "there is only one idea of heaven." The idea of "heaven" was individual. What this means is that when the reapers would take the soul, before the person would die, because there was this idea that the soul would feel the pain of the death, and that was a big no no, that soul's "heaven" was the one thing that they enjoyed the most.

I had a volia moment, when I first saw this. I was like "this is what it all about!" Heaven is not an idea that is just one thing. Heaven is what you enjoyed, in life. Take for example myself: I enjoyed my times in Door County, Wisconsin, and in Bayfield, Wisconsin. So, when I die, my soul(if I believed in one) would experience the joy that I felt when I was at these places, and that would be my "heaven." It almost makes dying a pleasing prospect(no I am not afraid of dying, but I do enjoy my life).

In "Dead Like Me," it really didn't matter if the person was not the "perfect" person, in life. It showed me that "heaven" is what you make of it, and that "heaven" is not some place that you can not see. "Heaven" is your greatest pleasure. I really have never understood the monotheistic view of "Heaven." To be honest, I like the idea that "Heaven" is what I want it to be, and it is not dictated by dogma.

 *I don't know exactly what makes people cross over. I mean, souls. I  think they see light where others cannot. I think they see a chance to  become something else. Someone else* 

Getting My Creative Freak On

2010-12-08T08:20:00.000-05:00

I have a lot of projects, in the hopper. The main project is to get my novella done by the end of this year(I have been working on it for damn near 5 years now, cause I have been lazy, and I have "forgotten" about it). I also have to play catch up with my handwriting grimorie(I know..I am an odd on that I still hand write, in a journal). :-)

So, I am going to go into 30 days of solitude. I am going to still write out on blogspot, because I do enjoy blogging. But, I need to concentrate on these other projects, not to mention other projects that do come up, because my mind just can not stop, nor do I want it to stop.

I am also going to adventure into the world of brushing up on my Spanish. I want to become an expert, in this language. I have five languages that I want to learn at an expert level, and wasting my time on the Internet does not help with this. The other languages that I want to learn are Italian, French, German, Irish Gaelic, and Swedish. There are many other languages that I want to learn, and I will, in time, but these five, and including Spanish, are the languages that I want to expertly learn. I come from the school of thought that learning another language can only help understand a culture, other than my own. There are so many cultures that I want to study and understand. But, first, I need to understand their language.

May my muse not sleep!

It's The Most Insane Time Of The Year

2010-12-06T12:09:00.000-05:00

I am not even going to go into how I feel about the consumerism of this time of the year, and how cracked out people become. I do enjoy the post holidays regret(the oh my fucking gods I charged how much on my credit card for shit that I don't even need, and for people that I don't even like). This time of year brings forth a whole different insane animal, from what I am witnessing via the Internets.

This time of year gets a lot of pagans in an uproar. I really do not want to go into the torrid history of why some pagans get their pentacle undies in a up roar. I am sure that my readers can figure it out. Neither one of these issues, the consumerism, nor the "you stole this time of year from us!" attitudes are what I think this time of year represents for me. So, let me tell all of you what December means for me, from a conjurer Witchy point of view.

I love this time of year. It signals a time of change. This time of year motivates me to remove habits, and practices that no longer apply, so that I may have room for other habits, and spiritual practices to grow(I made the decision about a month ago to remove some Wiccan tangents from my spiritual practice. This does not mean that I will not include some Wiccan practices. It just means that most Wiccans tangents will not be included. I still like Wicca, but it most of what Wiccan represents does not apply to me). I have also removed individuals who were never a part of my life, whether it be in the mundane world, or the magical world.

I have had many epiphanies, in the last two months. I have realized that I have everything that I could possibly want, and need in this life. This epiphany has led me to explore what more I can do to improve the lives of those who mean the most to me. Whether it is an e-mail, a card, or a simple gift, to let them know that I am thinking of them. I need to support those who mean the most to me(even if the support comes in other forms..:-)

I have also come to some type of terms with my own insecurities. I am writing more, and in these writings I am putting a personal twist to them. I used to be scared shitless of this, because I couldn't handle criticism of my life from complete strangers(it stems from that "I want to be liked by everyone" attitude that I once had). I do believe that this attitude has gone the way of the dodo bird. I know that I need to improve on my writing, but the only way that I can do that is to do..write.

I should expand more on why I think this time of year brings out the nutters. I have been reading discussions on PaganSpace, and I have just been shaking my head. Granted, I had a wonderful discussion with a friend of mine, before that discussion got blown up into complete retardness.I wash my hands clean of those who just want to remain stuck on stupid. I will not entertain fools, because I am foolish enough. :-)

I am excited for the new year. I am excited for Winter Solstice. I am excited that am writing again, and that people read what I have to write. The new year is going to bring forth some great new opportunities for me, my family, and my friends.

Do We Forget?

2010-11-24T13:39:00.000-05:00

I have a problem...go figure right? I have a problem with some Pagans elevating themselves to some sort of piety, when the issue of Pagans being in prison. I say use the word piety, because, I am not sure if this is a human condition, or and individual thing, but when some Pagans hear about another Pagan either being in prison, or in prison, it is like they just were blessed by the Pope. All of a sudden, that person who has either been in prison, or is in prison, turns into a pariah. It really doesn't matter what that person has done. All of a sudden, they are treated like the shit on the bottom of someones shoe.

So a question, or two to all of you: Should Pagans be allowed to practice their religion, in prison, within certain perimeters(since Christians, Jews, and Muslims are allowed to practice their religion)? Another question: Once this Pagan is out of prison, should they be shunned by the Pagan community for things that they have already paid the price for?

Here are my thoughts, since you all knew I was going to give my two cents on the subject:

One, I think that a Pagan does have the right to practice their religion, while in prison, within certain perimeters. I do not agree that a violent individual should be allowed to have anything that can do injury to a fellow prisoner, or prison guard(besides, all the tools are nothing but tools, and they are not necessary to practice whatever Pagan religion that said prison may follow). Non-violent offenders should be looked at on a case by case basis(if a non-violent offender shows good behavior, and such, that person should be allowed certain tool, once again within the guidelines of the prison). But, I do agree that, during a community ritual, that certain items should be allowed, within certain guidelines that the prison has set forth(a creative Priest or Priestess can substitute).

What pisses me off is that some states do not recognize Pagan religions, as religions, and do not allow even Pagan clergy on the premises. I am hoping that this changes, even though I am not a religious person, this does not mean that I am against those who are religious to be able to practice said religion.

Another thing that pisses me off is that the some of the Pagan community just ignore their fellow brothers, and sisters who are in prison. What a way of coming together, and being all loving, and caring people...fuck me. This segways into the other point I want to make...

I don't understand why some individuals who are a part of the Pagan or Heathen community shun those who have served their time, in prison, and want to come back to either their coven, grove, or kindred. I listened to a certain podcast, where one of the hosts said, I am paraphrasing here "If a person commits an act that places them in prison, they do not have a place in my kindred. I do not care what they did. They do not have a right to be a part of my kindred."(she is a Heathen). Granted, this is her right, and her kindred's right to feel this way, but my thinking is does everyone in that kindred feel this way? The other individual who co-hosts this podcast with her did not feel this way, or that is the way that I sensed it. I had a feeling that this was her own opinion, and it was not shared by other members of her kindred. She is a pretty forceful person, so it wouldn't shock me if she swayed others of her kindred, into thinking this way, when they may not feel this way(talk about weak willed, if these people are swayed by this woman). Her point of view pissed me off, and I felt sorry for her, for one moment...one very fast moment.

Do we just forget about these people, because they have done wrong against society? If a person is remorseful, which some are, and some aren't, doesn't this person deserve to come back to their coven, grove, or kindred? Shouldn't the coven, grove, or kindred support this person while they are serving their time in prison?

I am not saying that everyone in prison can be rehabilitated, cause I am not that pie in the sky. But, I am also not that cynical to think that all prisoners are a lost cause either. I was a lost cause once(no I didn't serve time in prison, but I did do some time in jail, and that was enough). I was looked upon as nothing more than a miscreant, and a problem child. but I managed to clean my life up, because of the support of certain people in my life.

Isn't that what the Pagan and Heathen community should be about? Supporting each other? If individuals who need the support shouldn't it be there, and not have their hand slapped away?

To many fucking questions, and not enough answers.

Oh here is a website of Patrick McCollum who works with interfaith ministries, and he has been fighting to have Pagans, and Heathens have the same religious rights, in prison:http://www.patrickmccollum.org/ He is an inspiration to me, and eventually I would like to something like this. I know shocking right..a non religious person fighting for those who are religious. I have heard of stranger things.

I Often Wonder.....

2010-11-22T16:06:00.000-05:00

*I am being objective, in this blog. This is an honest review of an online Wiccan school.*

Back in 2008, I made the decision to join a free online Wiccan school. I thought to myself "why not...I am open to learning Wicca online, since I am an eclectic type of person."

What peaked my curiosity was that a person could go through the Wicca 1,2, and 3, courses, in six months. From what I understand, it usually takes a person one year to complete Wicca 1, and 2, but I thought "what the hell..lets see what this is all about."

The Wicca classes were, how do I say this, simple, and not very challenging(there were other classes that one could take also, like divination classes, magic classes, and meditation classes...yeah I know how the hell does one take a class in meditation right?) These classes lasted 8 weeks, which is about two months. I really am not sure how a novice could learn all there is to learn...har har, in 8 months. Needless to say, many of the students didn't learn much. It was pretty obvious when students would ask questions that were a part of the lessons(the reason why I know this is that I climbed the Wiccan ladder, and became a teacher's assistant).

After the Wicca 3 class, a person can make the choice of going into the Priesthood(once again..this is a bit of a joke...in six months of Wicca classes, and a person can enter into the Priesthood coursework). In my experience, with this online Wiccan school, I encountered many individuals who went through the Priesthood coursework, and were not mature enough to handle the responsibilities of being a Priest/Priestess, with this online Wiccan school/coven. My thinking is that their ego got into their way, and thought that the title of "lord or "lady" would give them the attention they so desire, and they do not care about the responsibility.

I was a part of this online Wiccan school for 2 years. I went through the Priesthood course, and was going through the clergy course, at the time that I was suspended(I was an administrator, and a teacher, at this school, and there were some individuals who did not like the way I handled certain circumstances, and students...I was not rude, but very forthright, and honest with people...I know shocking right..I wasn't rude to these insipid little twats). I got tired of the constant complaining, the unrealistic ideas of some of the administrators, the cliques, and students who were sticking their noses into places that their noses shouldn't have been.

I resigned all of my positions, and I have not looked back, at this online Wiccan school. When the students start dictating to the teachers, there is an issue, at least in my opinion. If a student is not keeping up with their studies, then it is the teacher's responsibility to either say, "you need to concentrate on your studies, or come back at another time." If a teacher is not doing their job, then the student needs to say something, but say it to the teacher, not to anyone else. This is what I can't stand about online Wiccan schools, at least this one. Gossip mongers run amok, at this online Wiccan school, but I guess this is what you get when something is free.

The name of this online Wiccan school is The Firefly Academy, and my objective opinion of this place, is it needs to mature, and grow. It also needs to take a hard look at its curriculum. If this online Wiccan school was to have a future, then it needs to have more stricter guidelines, and not cow tow to students how constantly complain, and to teachers, administrators, or delegates who have an axe to grind.

*I belong to another online Wiccan school that I paid for(70 bucks for a lifetime membership). This school is based in Italy, and did the 1st degree Wiccan was one year, and the 2nd degree was a year also. This was far better an online school.*

A Tribute

2010-11-19T15:56:00.002-05:00

*thanks to all those wonderful, peace, love, and understanding Pagan types, who wished nothing but ill will upon me, because of opinions that I have...thank all of you for proving that unless one agrees with the "party line" that all one will get in return is vitriol, and hate...oh and if any of you are curious where this little blurb comes from..go check out my blog entry about Isaac(don't really care if I can't spell his first name) Bonewits.*

Alright. On with my blog entry. This blog entry is dedicated to a fellow hot, trashy, insane, mess. :-) I know that Rabbit will either be pissed off, or embarrassed by this blog entry, but fuck it dude, I feel it necessary to write it. :-)

I met Rabbit, out in the realms of Pagan Space. I enjoyed his candor, and his refreshing look on life. This was, I think, about a year or two ago. Others, out on Pagan Space really didn't care for the way that he conducted himself(I am sure those who know Rabbit, he has a way with words). He would spit out shit that most of us wouldn't even think of, or dare. I admire this man for that quality. I admire him a lot, for more than just this quality.

Rabbit was banned from Pagan Space, and started his own community for awhile, but life got in the way, and this community was shut down, by Rabbit. I enjoyed this community also, which I became a part of, since Rabbit invited me to be a member. It was at this time, I started to read his blogs, and thought "I am mildly disturbed by this individual." Which was no big deal too me. Once again, Rabbit inspired me, and I don't think he even knew it.

Then Rabbit dropped off the face of the earth. I didn't hear from him for quite sometime, and I was beginning to worry. I knew that he was having some health issues, but I just didn't know how serious that they were, until a very foreboding e-mail that I received from him. I did all I could do to help him. I would have gone to hell and back to help Rabbit. Another fact that I never told him, until this moment.

I am not going to go into great detail about Rabbit's medical issues, since I get anonymous comments on this blog, and I respect Rabbit's privacy. All I know is that sometimes life really sucks my left tit, and there isn't 'a goddamn thing I can do about it. No, this isn't a pity party about me. I am just being real, at this point. I can't even imagine what my dear close friend Rabbit is going through, but what I do know is I can be here for him. For better or worse. He is like my twin from another mother. As Rabbit says "if you can't handle me at my worse, you sure as shit don't deserve me at my best." I have seen Rabbit at his worse, via the Internet. I plan on taking a journey to see Rabbit at whatever stage he is at next year. Yes, I am going to go to Texas Rabbit, so all you fuckers better strap in.

This is a journey. Whether one is at the beginning, the middle, or the end...it is a journey. It is about the walk we all take together. It is about the fucking cracks that jump up and grab our ankles, and try to trip us up. It is about falling down, and refusing to lay in the dirt. It is about taking the shit of life, and turning into fertilizer, so something beautiful can grow. It is about supporting the ones that you love, and letting them fall into you, if necessary. It is about being honest, blunt, and kicking ass when need be. Life is not a fucking box of chocolates...it is one hot, trashy mess, and I am better for having my dear, loving friend Rabbit, in my hot, trashy, mess of a life. I just wanted him to know.

*maybe I should explain the blurb before the blog...I am a firm believer in the concept of if a person wishes ill will upon me they will go to any lengths to hurt me...problem is that hurting me directly doesn't work...but hurting me indirectly does....by harming my very close friends one can get to me, magically....I am not accusing anyone of doing this....but I am suspicious....so, be forewarned...if you have done anything to harm my very close friends(who are like family to me) out of spite, because we had a difference of opinions....your gods/goddesses/land spirits/ancestors will NOT help you...I will fucking break you....*

Now...there is a look that says it all: "you all do not have the faintest idea what the fuck I am thinking..." Mucho lovo Rabbito.

Toe Stepping

2010-11-11T12:57:00.000-05:00

I tend to step on toes. Sometimes intentionally. Sometimes accidentally.

I am not clear sometimes, when I go on rants, and this is something that I need to work on. I need to clarify who my rants are directed towards, this may just end some of the confusion.

I take responsibility for what I write, and say. I know that what I write, or say can not be taking back, once the words have been written or said. Now, it is time for me to be more clear, in what I have to say. Especially, when my rage is directed towards a specific group of people. It is time to just come out at say who these people are, and then I will deal with the fall out.

I have to admit. I have become a bit of a pussy, by not naming names, or being specific. This has got to stop, because I really don't need to step on the toes of those who do agree with me.

Get Off Your Fucking Broom Already

2010-11-08T12:56:00.000-05:00

Let the fun times fucking begin!!!! Internet heads will roll, and butts will be hurt!!!!! You all have been warned.

*I don't care about the etymology of words, the reason why I really don't give to rat fucks about the etymology of a word is because when I debate with another human being, who is less intelligent, the point is moot. Most individuals don't even know the history of where a word came from, so this really does not matter to me. I noticed, a long time ago, that many Pagans get all caught up, in how a word is used, and that many Pagans just don't give a shit. The fluffies will use a word however they choose too, and the more traditional toned Pagans may take the time to learn about a word. If you make the choice to learn about the etymology of a word, kudos for you.

*Snobbery is everywhere, and there is nothing I, or anyone else can do about it. There are fluffies who are snobs. There are more traditional Pagans are snobs. There are snobs, in every walk of life. If you encounter a snob, just hand them a Kleenex, and tell them to remove their boogers.

*I am an academic. I enjoy learning, and I have an unusual way of looking at the world(then again there are others who share the same view, as I do). I enjoy learning about other cultures, languages, and histories. I do elevate myself above others, who make the choice to remain in the same shit that they have been in for years. I am better than these people, so um, yeah, get the fuck over it, if you are one of these people.

*I am not out here to change minds. Really. I am not. I have said this before, and I feel the need to say it again, I do not, nor do I feel it necessary to change a human being(if a person wants to change they will do it on their own). My words my motivate. My words may be the catalyst. But, it is up to the human being to be the change that THEY want to be.

*Seriously folks. If anyone feels the needs to tote their linage every chance they get...I will laugh at you. A clotted ass...is a clotted ass. Celtic Witch who talks to the fey *snorts(oh by the way...unless you have encountered this person, the clotted ass, you have no idea what the fuck I am talking about).

*Perceived persecution is NOT persecution. Turn off the TV, or even better yet read foreign news to get an idea of what honest to the fucking god persecution is(this is to those who live in the United States, who think that a wine bottle label is persecution).

*Get of the fucking broom already. All it is doing is causing all of you fuckers, who enjoy causing undo drama, to have hemorrhoids, and splinters.

Consider this a PSA. :-)

Whip It Out And Show Me What You Got

2010-11-03T13:35:00.000-04:00

I am sure that many will accuse me of the lack of reading comprehension...*insert laughing here* I just want to say this if I don't understand what someone is saying, or typing, I will ask for clarification. This is a habit that I began, when I was a very young lady. Too bad that many individuals, who read my blogs, or anything else, have not developed this habit. Also, too bad, some individuals, are so brainwashed by their ingrain notions, they can't see the forest for the trees.

I am going to address some bullshit here, so bare with me for a moment.

I could careless how long someone has been practicing a spiritual tradition. In my opinion, time in a spiritual tradition does not equate to wisdom of said spiritual tradition. There are a lot of other aspects involved with being experienced, in whatever spiritual tradition that you choose.

There are individuals who are full of a plethora of information, and are willingly to share this information, meaning teach. I may be a rookie when it comes to Wicca, but I have learned a lot, in the three years that I have been studying(oh and I love when I challenge the old crusty Wiccans thinking, and they come out with the "I have been studying this a lot longer than you" comment). I have used, my time, in the Wiccan realm, wisely. I have learned a lot, and now I am moving on from this point. I have experienced some wonderful teaching, and I have experienced some real shitty teaching, while in the realm of Wicca. I value both experiences.

Now, to the crux of this blog entry. I take issue with the old crusty Wiccan old guard being complacent when it comes to the fluffy bullshit sparkly Wiccans. This, and many other points, makes Neo-Wicca(there is a reason why I say it this way, I am sure you all will figure it out), and Neo-Paganism, a laughable spiritual practice. Instead of just giving these fluffies a pass, why the fuck aren't these old crusty guard Wiccans, and Neo-Pagans stepping up to the plate and teaching these fluffies correctly? Laziness is my guess, but I am sure that I will have a few comments saying, "well I do this, but I can't push people into learning, when they don't." This is a true statement, but it doesn't remove the responsibility from the crusty old guard Wiccans. There is the challenge to the old crusty guard Wiccans. Step up, and be the change that you want to see in Wicca, and Paganism. Sitting on your ass only makes you ass bigger.

I am not a bitter person towards Neo-Pagans, or Neo-Wiccans. I have seen what the Neo's have done to Paganism and Wicca, and it is sad to see. I have washed my hands of Wicca, and Neo-Paganism(I washed my hands of Neo-Paganism a long time ago). I wasn't kicked out, or shunned by any group. I made the decision myself, because I am not going to be a part of a group that can't see the forest for the trees.

Evocation

2010-11-01T15:16:00.000-04:00

Evocation: an act or instance of evoking; a calling forth: the evocation of old memories.

Sounds simple right? Sounds like something anyone can do....right? May I do a headdesk at this point.....*headdesk*

Here are my thoughts on evocation. DON'T DO THIS UNLESS YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE DOING!!!! There is my public service announcement this Samhain and Day of the Dead.

I have come across some real winners, who believe that they can "help" a trouble spirit. Seriously, whiskey, tango, foxtrot.

I have been taught, not to try to help any spirit, unless that spirit wants your help. I have been taught not to envoke, any type of spirit, without doing some sort of divination, meditation, and general research. Am I off my rocker here, in thinking this way? I do not think so, but my mind is a terrible place to be, sometimes.

Lately, I have been having this feeling that Neo-Pagans "feel" that it is okay to just summon spirits just because it is Samhain or the Day of the Dead. To me this is a very naive, and ignorant way of looking at the spirit realm. It is not okay just to summon spirits. Where the fuck are these dopes learning this shit? Okay, don't answer that question..I know the answer.

I also wonder if these fluffer nutters even know what the hell they may be summoning. Do they really think that all spirits are all "loving, and kind?" If they do, they may be in for one hell of a butt fucking.

Summoning spirits is a practice that needs to be respected, and in my opinion, protected. Just because you are a self proclaimed Witch, or Occultist, doesn't mean that you can summon spirits.

Oy vey! Do your homework!

Witch In The Mist

2010-10-30T15:57:00.000-04:00

I live 1600ft up on a mountain. Yeah, I know it is not that high, but fuck all of you who live in the Rocky Mountain area!

I live, in the better mountain range, the Appalachians(obviously). These mountains are old, and amazing. The mist, here, looks like smoke(that is how the Great Smoky Mountains got their name).

Now, I live, in the northern part of the Appalachians..Vermont to be exact. But, I have been all over the Appalachians, and this mist is the same, no matter where, in the Appalachians, I may be.

This mist is eerie, beautiful, and spiritual. This mist combines with cloud cover, and at times, I am literally, in the clouds. Perfect setting for this time of the year. Maybe the veil is more apparent to me this year....maybe.

Bullshit Chronicles Numero Dos: Paganism Is Liberal and only liberal

2010-10-26T14:22:00.000-04:00

<----This is what I want to do to the person who made the claim that Paganism is Liberal(oh I don't have problems with liberal ideas, I just have issues with the liberal minded people who think I need to be "enlightened").

I really can't make this shit up. I wish I could, but I can't. Shocking enough there are people out, in Paganism, who believe that there is no room for conservative thinking, because the word conservatism conjurers up the evil likes of Sarah Palin! Oh for fucks sake.

This is just another way to divide the Pagan community more. Oh, and Paganism does not have a grip hold, like a whore jerking off her latest john, on the term liberal. I am still trying to figure out why some Pagan individuals hold onto labels so hard...I will get back to all of you when I figure this out.

But, let me explain this further, the idea that Paganism is Liberal, and only liberal. This person, who came up with this idea, does not like conservatives, in any form, including those who are Pagan. This person wants to have conservatives removed from Pagan social networks, and this person wants conservative Pagans to hand in their Pagan card. I also should say that this person is a...um...fanatic(he enjoys jumping on the bandwagon of the newest trend, and idolizes manufactured musicians). His words really don't hold any weight with me, but he is shitting on a Pagan social network , and he pulls no punches about it(he calls this Pagan social network "to conservative", and attempts to keep people away).

I do agree that Paganism has more liberal tones than conservative(I use these terms in a non political way). Paganism is more socially liberal, which I take no issue with, since I am socially liberal. But, where I call bullshit, is when this individual screams that all tangents of Paganism are liberal. Not really. Considering there are some individuals who hold onto conservative ideals(like being fiscally conservative, and so forth). There are a lot of Pagans who do not want an encroaching government either(doesn't sound very liberal to me).

In my opinion, this person who says that Paganism is Liberal and only liberal, lives in his own Utopian world. Don't have a problem with this, just don't bring your psychosis, in to mine. Besides, there is enough psychosis running through Paganism, why the fuck does Paganism need more?

Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet.
Chuck Palahniuk

Sick Of The Lower Standards

2010-10-24T19:51:00.000-04:00

Question. Think. Decide.

I have jumped the cliff, without a parachute. What does this mean exactly? Well, I am raging at the moment about the low standards, in the greater Pagan community, and how no one wants to stir the shit cauldron. That is why I am here. The lone shit cauldron stirrer, and maybe I can recruit others, cause my arms get tired, man.

I have been told that I can't give my opinion about something that is so fucked that I have to give my opinion. For one, anyone who tells me that I can not give my opinion needs a lethal injection, in the neck. For, two, if I read something that is so out there that it is close to being dangerous, it is my duty as a Witch, that I put the breaks on what was said(I had an encounter with an psycho bitch from hell the other day, on the Internet, and the fall out is still happening).

I will no longer just sit idly by and allow so called Witches spew forth their shit based ideas, without me countering it. If I don't know a lot about the subject, I will research, and I will turn to others who know more than I. I am not a stupid human being, and I know how to destroy toxic people.

I will question, and I will demand better of the Pagan community, and those who claim to be Witches, and those who are magically inclined.

Sometimes, there is not a simple explanation, and one has to dig deeper, and one has to try and try again. When the standards have been lowered, this does not apply, and that is a damning effect to Paganism.

Tossing Out the Old Panties..To Make Room For the New(My Samhain Blog)

2010-10-23T07:44:00.000-04:00

I am done. I mean it. I am fucking done. What am I done with? I am done with attempting to forge friendships, outside of the Internet. I am done trying to accommodate certain people, when they refuse to accommodate me. Fuck this whole idea of having a sustainable friendship. I have tried, and I have been fried for it.

I refuse to bend anymore, for a certain individual, who is nothing more than a fucking playgan. She is a toxic individual, and if I don't initiate contact, she will just go on her merry little way. Well, she can go on her merry little way, cause I am fucking done with it. I have attempted to do things for her, and she made excuses. I have attempted to want to spend some time with her, and she has better things to do. What the fuck ever. I am too that point that it is her loss, not mine. I will give her, her birthday gift, and wash my pretty little hands clean of her.

Maybe, I have just grown, spiritually, and I can't stand being around her, since she does give off that air of being a playgan. I don't want to be around Neo-Pagans, which she is, and I sure as shit do not want to be around playgans either. Oh, I got a kick out of the statement she email to me on FaceBook(this was about us getting together next weekend, possibly) "I may be going to Salem." To her: have fun with that. Have fun trying to get a hotel. Have fun spending too much money on items that one can get for half the price. Have fun with those other Neo-Pagans, and playgans that make Samhain a joke. If that is the type of people you, my former friend, wish to hang around with, then I am out. I would rather go through this world alone, than associate myself with posers, and fucking fakes.

I have spent the last 2 years cleansing myself of people like this person, and I sure as shit do not want to reintroduce these types of people back into my life(the Neo-Pagan, playgan fuckers). If this "friend" of mine wakes the fuck up(which she won't), and wants to seriously study, about Witchcraft, I will be here. But, I won't be waiting with bated breath.

This Samhain is all about cleaning out my many closets(spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, and sexual). I have tossed out a lot of people, who were toxic, nasty, and dirty(I have also tossed out a lot of bad habits also). When I do this, it is done, and I do not look back.

Being The Bad Woman..in a fucking fluffy world

2010-10-17T13:19:00.000-04:00

I am working on a concept here, so bare with me for a moment. The concept is about this idea of having to prove oneself, to the greater Occult and Pagan community, not to mention to yourself.

I am not fully understanding why this is such a hard thing for individuals to do, proving themselves, and why there is such resistance to this, proving oneself, to the greater Occult and Pagan community.

Did I miss the memo here? Any person who made the decision to pursue Occult, or Pagan studies had to prove themselves to their teacher, and to the greater community. The reason for this was to make sure that the student knew what the hell they were doing, and that they fully understood Occult, or Pagan concepts. Why has this idea, proving oneself, gone the way of the dodo bird, and why is it that people like myself are looked upon as pariahs when we asked for prove of abilities? I am going to answer these questions, and feel free to chime in with your own answers.

Answer to question one(why the idea of proving oneself to the Occult and Pagan community has gone the way of the dodo bird): I think that since the advent of New Age that the idea of having to prove oneself is out dated(a great big thanks goes out to those assholes who blended Paganism and New Age to create Neo Paganism). I guess the Neo-Pagans think that they don't have to prove that they either know what they are doing, or even have a clue how to practice what they are doing. The reason for this is because no one has forced them to prove what they know, or to prove that they know how to apply what they know, in a magical life(oh wait..a lot of Neo Pagans don't even practice magic!) I chuck these fuckers into the compost pile. I have no need for individuals, who make ridiculous claims, around my air(oh and I am sure I don't need to fucking give examples...if you are intelligent enough..you can figure it out).

Answer to question two(why is it that people like myself are looked upon as pariahs when we asked for prove of abilities?) Because people like myself are going to prove how fucking stupid people really are, and how fluffy these individuals truly are. I am happy to be a pariah, and I am happy to laugh my ass of at all of those people who can't put up, and who really need to shut the fuck up.

Yes, I am telling people what to do, for my own sanity. I don't follow any rede, credo, or already preset rules. I follow my own values, morals, and set of rules, which does not include the pre-made bullshit. So, if any of you wonderful people(those who don't have a single brain cell to rub together) have an issue with what I have just said...please leave a comment below, cause it will make you feel better to get all of that rage out, since all of you Neo-Pagans believe in letting out the negative so the positive can flourish.