I Don't Need Your Stinking Values System

Time for another round of the pagan values blogs, and podcasts to hit the Internets! Whooo fucking hooo!!!!! I guess last year wasn't enough. I mean there is even a book that has been written about pagan values, ethics, and hold your breath.....philosophy. Thank you Brendan Myers for that little ditty. I may read some of his books, even though I find him pretentious as fuck. Don't get me on his girlfriend/wife or however they want to define their relationship.


I take no issue with pagans trying to figure out the minefield of values, ethics, and how these concepts apply to their lives. But, one should already have values, and ethics before they even entered into the world of pagandom. Being spiritual, or even religious does not make a person ethical, moral, or even have values. I don't need a map to guide me through that minefield, nor do I need someone to show me how to be ethical, moral, or show my values to someone who "is not like myself." I find that this topic even needs to be address disturbing, as fuck. Why? Because, a person should have figured all of this shit out by just living life. The joe shmo on the street should be able to figure out what is moral, and ethical, in their everyday life. 


Why should pagans need a pagan system of morals, values, and ethics? What makes this system any different than a non pagan system? I will let you all in on a little secret....ready...........there is no difference between a non pagan system of morals, values, and ethics and a pagan system of morals, values, and ethics. I know; you are all disappointed, but you will all get over it.


The scary part of having morals, values, and ethics is that there is no need of spiritualism, or religion to play a part. One can be moral, and ethical without the presence of the divine. I can make a moral judgment without having to pull from my personal spirituality, unlike many pagans, or even non pagans. Being a Humanist is more scary than being a pagan, when dealing the landmines of morals, ethics, and values. 


Fear does not drive me to "feel" a certain way towards humans. Human nature drives me. The predictability of most humans drives me to judgment, and my instincts are almost dead on about many people that I encounter. I can see through the bullshit, even though most humans attempt to cover the smell up with roses.


If needing your gods, and goddesses make you a moral, and ethical person....I think you need to step back and evaluate your personal moral, and ethic system. 

Brain Training

I have said time and time again that in order for any type of spell work to work a person needs to be in the right frame of mind. Otherwise, the spells just do not work. I am finally following my own advice.


I am a firm believer in having stable, and having a healthy state of mind. Mental health is very important for any person, but a healthy state of mind is especially important for a person who is a spellcrafter. Fucked up mind equals fucked up spells. I have learned this over the last four years.


I have made the decision to seek out mental health therapy(I had my first session today, and I think that my therapist and I will get along quite well). The plan is to have weekly sessions to chip away at all of this shit that has accumulated over the last 36 years. I also plan on taking some yoga classes that may help with releasing some of this negative shit that has been stored for way too long. I may even have a Reiki session. I know that my energy is severely fucked up, and if I want to be a successful spellcrafter, and witch, I know that I need to heal myself before I can do anything for anyone. Not having any sacred space, for the moment, is a blessing. The reason why I think this is because I am going to spend the time, without an altar, to release a lot of this pent up bullshit, and craptastic energy that I have held onto for far too long.


I am well aware that I will be in therapy for quite some time. The damage that has been done to me took 32 years. This damage cannot be undone in six months. I also need to remind myself that even though I am well aware of my mental issues, I do not know how extensive my mental issues are, or if some of these mental issues are just bullshit. This is where the keep silent comes in handy, and the keep my my slightly ajar comes in handy also.

Instincts

I have this stuff that occupies the space that is between my ears. This stuff is my brain matter. I have yet to figure out how all of this brain matter works, and I have yet to learn to listen...I mean REALLY listen to what the brain matter is attempting to tell me. My brain matter speaks to me. That "voice" is my instinct, and I have a tendency to make my instincts shut up.


I often confuse my instincts for my paranoia. This confusion is easy for me. I am too the point where I do not care if my instincts are confused for my paranoia. My instincts have never failed me, and when I do not listen to my instincts I wind up loosing out on either a wonderful experience of life, or I wind up loosing money when I didn't need to loose the little money that I have.


I have learned some hard lessons, just in the past few days, by not listening to my instincts. Lessons learned, and now those lessons will be applied. These lessons will not only be applied to my mundane life, but also to my magical life.


For the last two years, or so, I have been wanting to take a Hoodoo class with an individual, who I consider to be a mentor. I have been using every excuse in the world not to take this class. I think I was afraid, and now my instincts are screaming at me to take this class. Invest the money, and fucking take this class!!!!(that is my instincts talking). So, this coming pay day, I am going to invest the money and take this class. This is what happens when I listen to my instincts. 


This is the lesson that I have to give to my readers; listen to your instincts. Do not feel that "playing by someone else's rules" apply to your magical life. This is your magical life. No one else's. 

The Molding

What does an individual who has destroyed the past four years of study, in the realm of paganism, and Wicca? She mourns. She buries. She rebuilds on spiritual ideas that are at her core.


This is me. My literature, and all of my lessons that I took, burned in a fire in March. No more Wicca related material. No more modern paganism material. Where do I go from here? Where I needed to go two years ago, but was too afraid; into the deep world of Hoodoo, folklore, rootwork, new world witcheries, ancestral veneration, and Trolldom. 


My base will always be Buddhism, and Eastern philosophies. Even though I do enjoy the  Western esoteric philosophic world, my pull, my passion, my need is for Eastern philosophies. 


My clay is still just clay. The metaphor of me being the clay and the divine being the potter is so cliche, and over used. I am the potter and the clay, and the divine(yes, I believe in a divine goo source) is my teacher, muse, friend, lover, parent, and everything else that this human, that is me, needs to write to explain what the divine means to me. A rock is divine to me. Simple minds folks.


I have no mold yet, but I have ideas. I have spiritual goals that I want to obtain. My book shelf is going to be full of folklore, local, regional, country, and worldwide, Hoodoo, New Orleans Hoodoo/Voodoo, philosophies, and various subjects that I find interesting. I have two schools of thought that I plan on taking courses through(Lucky Mojo, and OBOD). Hoodoo and Druidry? I think that they compliment each other quite well, and I will write about that compliment one day.


I mind is clearer about what I need as a spiritual being. The loss of all of my literature open up my mind, and helped me listen to what I need versus what I thought I needed.

Little Talks

"Don't listen to a word I say. The screams all sound the same
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore"

I have these little talks with myself. These talks rise forth buried ideas, things that I 
need to have done, and motivation to move past my fears. These little talks are 
needed, in order for me to survive.

I look at these little talks as communication with either my ancestors (blood and 
spirit), the land spirits, spirits, in general, or the gods and goddesses. I often find the 
answers that I need by having these little talks. Those who see me, out in public, will 
often see me talking to myself. I do look like I should be locked up in a nice little 
padded room. The way that I appear to the general public has never bothered me, nor 
nor will the general public bother me. 
I have been needing to have my little talks more often than usual, and I like that. I like
talking to something, or something that cannot judge, or give me advice that cannot
be applied to my life. The talking is just between me and the air. I don't need
immediate answers, and I know that a lot that I have been talking about will be
answered, in due time.

The ist and the ism

The ist's of life are who you are. Atheist. Theist. Humanist. Scientist. The ism's of life are what you choose to belong too. Atheism. Theism. Humanism. Paganism...and so forth.


The ist does not mean that one has to belong to the ism. One can be a humanist, and not belong to the collective community of humanism. I am a humanist, and while I agree with  the humanism community, for the most part, I do not consider myself a part of the humanism community. This is my choice, and this should be any person's choice. One should never feel that belonging to a community, no matter what that community represents, makes them the ist. The ism does not dictate the ist. 


I have seen the pagan community devour itself with the idea of "if you are not a part of our little group, then you are either against us, or not one of us." A paganist, I think I just made a new word, but probably not, does not have to belong to paganism, the collective. I think that being yourself, however that you identify yourself, is more important than belonging to a community that is so determined to find its(paganism) identity. Problem with paganism finding its identity is that many individuals who think that they are pagan do not even know who or what they are. Identity crisis on an epic level. This is why I do not think that paganism will ever have a collective identity, let a lone a single identity. Paganism is that perpetual child that will refuse to grow up. There is too much emphasis on the ism, and not the ist, within paganism.


The ist has to be fostered, and allowed to grow before the ist can walk into the realm of the ism. The ist is the individual. The ism is the collective. The ist needs to bring all of itself to the ism, in order for the ism to thrive. The ist needs to allows itself to grow into whatever the ist needs. No matter how scary, or terrifying that growth may be. 


Embrace the flinches. Let your ist grow, flourish, and burst forth.

Nothing More Than A Waste

I was challenged by a Pagan Space mental midget, in February, to meet up, in March, when she was supposedly to visit Vermont for some relative's wedding. Well, March 17th came and went, and I received no phone call, she had my cell number, to meet up with her, here in Vermont. What a shocker!


A plethora of excuses would spew forth from this waste of ejaculation. She didn't have my cell number. She didn't feel meeting up with her was going to be a productive use of her time. La de fucking da. 


I was more than happy to meet her, and tell her what a epic piece of shit she is. Alas, that was not meant to be. 


This whole idea of meeting up with this person did not occupy my mind. I actually forgot about this whole meet up. I only remembered, because my brain was like "weren't you supposed to meet up with Clotted Ass this past weekend?" 


This all came out of a blog I wrote when I was out on Pagan Space. I called her out, once again, on her bullshit. She challenged me to say the things I said out on Pagan Space, in a real life meeting with her. I rose to the challenge, and needless to say, she did not. 


Clotted Ass is a grand shit talker in the Interverse, but when a real life interaction may manifest itself, she runs like the coward that she is. Hides behind her "friends" out on the Internet, like the true piece of shit she is. She does her ancestors justice I tell ya(not really...her ancestors would banish her from the clans she supposedly belongs too for being a coward, and a loud mouth, and a drunk, and a lazy piece of shit, and for just being an annoying cunt).


I am a bit disappointed that I didn't get to see the "witchy" woman in person. I would have lit that hair on fire, or ripped that bad weave off of her head. I also missed the opportunity to ask her if she rolls around in Doritos every morning to achieve that wonderful "tan" that she has. Old dried up hag.